Entertainment | Northwestern Flipside

Category Archives: Entertainment

Teen Posts Angsty Song Lyrics in Facebook Status, Public Hails Creative Genius

November 21, 2011 Samuel Howes Leave a comment

CHICAGO- The citizenry of Chicago was struck with awe today as they read the lyrics to Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit” that 16 year old Roland Buchanan had posted on Facebook early this morning. At 8:15 AM, students at Evanston Township High School saw Buchanan typing on his cell phone during a math lesson. “That kid is such a badass,” reported Steven, a classmate of Buchanan’s. “Nobody uses their phones during a lesson. It’s totally against the rules.” According to

[Future Issue: 2161] “Sup, Brah” Hits Theatres

November 14, 2011 Christian Hernandez Leave a comment

EVANSTON – After much anticipation, a new historical documentary entitled “Sup, Brah” directed by esteemed archeologist Dr. Thelonious Unk finally hit theaters last night to the delight of viewers worldwide. The documentary premiered at Cinemark Century Theaters. This was the first movie to be played there since the great nuclear conflict of 2086. An estimated 1.5 million people attended the premiere to further learn about the once-great civilization of the “Bros”. The film began with footage from a historical investigation

Kim Kardashian Goes as Gold-Digger for Halloween

November 11, 2011 Lauren Schneider One comment

LOS ANGELES – Needlessly famous woman Kim Kardashian decided to go all-out this past Halloween. On October 31, 2011, in an effort to complete her (sexy) gold-digger costume, Kardashian wore black Victoria’s Secret lingerie, a $2 million engagement ring, and filed for divorce from her ridiculously overpaid husband Kris Humphries. Humphries, a player for the NBA, was utterly shocked. “She just waltzed right in wearing nothing but lingerie and waved the divorce petition around like it was some sort of

Gothic Rock Band “The Flying Buttresses” a Soaring Success

October 25, 2011 Tom Schroeder Leave a comment

HAMBURG, Holy Roman Empire – From the far West of Berlin to distant East Amsterdam, the entire world is up in arms over the hellfire hot new band The Flying Buttresses. With a repertoire full of popular ballads like “Hey You, Get off of My Pew,” “Us and Him,” and “I’ve Got 95 Theses but a Byzantine Ain’t One,” The Flying Buttresses are the most successful band in the Empire since The Painted Glass. The Flying Buttresses have vaulted to

Groupon Sets October Ferris Bueller Screening at Wrigley for Next 100 Years

October 5, 2011 Tom Schroeder Leave a comment

CHICAGO – Groupon has scheduled a screening of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off at Wrigley Field on the first Saturday of October for the next 100 years. “It became readily apparent over the past few years that the Cubs will never have use for Wrigley Field in October,” Andrew Mason, CEO of Groupon, stated in a press conference. “They are just an incredibly shitty baseball team.” The Cubs have not had a winning record in three seasons. Despite boasting impressive household

Dillo Day Canceled After B.o.B Unexpectedly Raptured

May 25, 2011 Flippy Leave a comment

Students reacted to the news with varied degrees of disappointment and downright agony, their heathen souls already plagued by the forces of Satan prior to their destruction and eternal damnation.

Sorority Chapter Invites Kansas City Royals to Wedding-Watch Party

April 28, 2011 Andrew Gresik Leave a comment

EVANSTON – Anticipation turned to confused embarrassment when the sisters of the Delta Delta Delta Delta sorority realized that the ‘royals’ they had invited to their “Royal Wedding-Watch Party OMG!!!!!” event were, in fact, the Kansas City Royals, the major league baseball team. “I was like, sooo excited when I heard we were watching the royal wedding at the house,” said Quad Delt sister Becca Silverstein, “cuz my boyfriend is from Kansas City and he’s always talking about the royals

Exclusive Look at Japan: The Movie

April 28, 2011 Tom Schroeder Leave a comment

Who better to formulate characters, plot and emotional tension than beloved renaissance filmmaker Michael Bay?

Wheelbarrow Poised to Win Game of Monopoly

March 4, 2011 Brian Earl Leave a comment

ATLANTIC CITY – In what is surely a game for the ages, the wheelbarrow is about to win a game of monopoly. It has $1300 in cash and owns the red monopoly, consisting of Kentucky Avenue, Indiana Avenue, and Illinois Avenue. “I just knew my business was turning around when I landed on Indiana Avenue,” the wheelbarrow commented. “Seriously, there are now three stunningly beautiful houses here! Who wouldn’t want to stay in one of them and pay me $700

Read more Articles, Business, Entertainment, No. 53, Sports

Local computer systems analyst Bob to perform at Dillo Day

March 4, 2011 Sam Gutelle Leave a comment

“Yeah, I don’t screw with Bob,” explained B.o.B, “that dude is the hardest motherfuckin’ computer systems analyst I know.”