Op-Ed: I’m Finally A ComEd Customer and Now They’re Gone
In all honesty, I donât know what ComEd is. I think itâs something to do with carpentry.
Category Archives: Business
On International Womenâs Day, Boss Made Sure to Call female Co-workers âSweetieâ to Let Them Know How Valued They Are
On International Womenâs Day, local boss Mitchell Dawson made sure to call his female coworkers âsweetieâ throughout the day.
Evanston Liquor Store Owner Who Accepts Dining Dollars Becomes 4th Richest Man on Earth
Greg Arridal announced that he was partnering with Morty Shapiro to start accepting Dining Dollars at his store and within the same day, every student had burned through all their dining dollars, and Arridal went out of stock within 3 hours.
US News Editor to Morty: âI Made You Top 10, Now Let My Family Goâ
âPlease, I have delivered on my part. Let me hold my son, Zachariah âZac-Attackâ Zuckerman, again. Let me see my wife, Zora Zelda Zuckerman. I even made you #15 in Best Value Schools, right above the University of Chicago!â
Kellogg Renovation to Include Only the Finest Silks and Draperies
A tapestry depicting the crushing of a philosophy majorâs dreams under the boot of market forces has already been put up in the faculty lounge on the third floor.
Kellogg Dickwad Explains Labor Market to Homeless Man Outside CVS
âYou see, if you draw this line here, and this line here, and then you move the point of intersection…â Rossi said, explaining why the manâs situation was a predictable result of the supply and demand graphs for labor.
Northwestern Unveils New Slogan: âYum Yum Yum Money Money Money Yum Money Yumâ
âWe wanted to distance ourselves from this debate over work culture and proper mental care to focus on what we think the university really stands for. Money.â
Flipside Investigative Report: Where Do All the Uneaten Dining Hall Chickpeas Go?
Where do all the uneaten chickpeas go? A Qatar-based cryptocurrency is only the beginning of the story…
Northwestern Career Advancement Feels Just As Shitty About Your Job Prospects As You Do
âI emailed evites for my dogâs birthday party after six glasses of wine. Itâs not an exceptional skill!â
Greenpeace Execs Keep 10% of All Whales They Save
“Do they mean, like, 10% of the population of whales? Or like, do they mean they get to keep a flipper or something?â