Ask Flippy: Did I Get a Registration Hold Because I Didn’t Wish Morty a Happy Halloween?
You fucked up. You really fucked up.
Category Archives: Ask Flippy
Ask Flippy: Is Kidnapping and Arson Going Too Far for a Guaranteed Win at Bob’s Trivia?
“You and all our readers know that I take a particularly hard stance on crime — more specifically, that it’s often the best way to make some good of a bad situation!”
Ask Flippy: How Do I Convert The Shepard Egg Chairs Into Sex Swings?
All you need is a couple extra straps (courtesy of Pitney Bowes) and a plastic knife from the dining hall to carve out a hole for the head.
Ask Flippy: My Boyfriend Won’t Stop Screaming U Rah Rah! During Sex, How Do I Make It Stop?
“At first, I didn’t mind, since I’m tremendously committed to school spirit.”
Ask Flippy: Does she like me, or did she just need the dryer empty?
Before I knew it, I had run out of cool gay fits to showcase
Ask Flippy: Am I A College Republican Or Do I Just Like Warm Potato Salad?
I mean, I do love how Larry only seasons it with too much mayo, salt, and a little bit of pepper.
Ask Flippy: Why the Fuck Do the NAVICA People Ask if I’ve Taken the Test Before and Then Recite the Directions to Me Again? We Both Know That I Know Asshole
The other day, I went to get my second semiweekly rapid test, expecting the interaction to be the same as usual: walk in, show my silly little apps to the workers, and engage in the voyeuristic practice of having a mid-twenties man make fierce eye contact while I twirl a silly little q-tip in my nose. But all of a sudden, it’s gotten so much worse!
Ask Flippy: How do I recover after no one responded to my canvas post with “I totally agree. The truth of that statement is definitely true and not false”?
Then I look over at Chad Chadson’s post and he has response after response. I mean come on! All he said was that women are “cool” and that we just need to “like not be sexist”. Even my TA dropped a response: “So true bestie”. Am I that irrelevant?
Ask Flippy: Do You Know A Guy Named “Spam Risk”? He Keeps Calling And I’ve Been Meaning To Ask If He Likes Me But I Don’t Wanna Be Weird
Spam Risk sounds kind of rugged. Smells like pine. Those two-syllable names really get me. Like… James Bond. Or Hugh Grant.
Ask Flippy: Can I Blame My Commitment Issues on Sargent Constantly Running Out Of Sweet, Sweet Ozzis?
I’m sick of making excuses like “I have projectile diarrhea”.