Breaking: Election Results Overturned After Lebron Voices Outrage
“Nah,” reads the first post in Lebron’s thread
Category Archives: Articles
From the Archives: Clocking into My Shift at the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory on March 25, 1911! I Have a Loving Family and Am Hopeful for the Future
I have about ten minutes before my shift starts, and I want to take this moment to be grateful for all that I have now. My husband Hugh Mann has given me so many blessings, foremost among them my lovely home-birthed children. On occasion he even allows me to utter words in public and wear pants.
From The Archives: How To Get Betty-Sue To Give You A Handy-Dandy Down By Lover’s Lane, 1951
Now, I’m sure you have a lot of questions that ma and pa didn’t quite answer.
From the Archives: “Goo Goo Ga Ga,” Says Barack Obama, 1
We aren’t sure why, but we sat down with an infant by the name of Barack Hussein Obama II to talk all things economics, healthcare, and political reform. You know, of course, that international political demagogues and malefactors are intent on condemning the United States government’s attempts to establish liberty and democracy abroad as “imperialist.” Within the confines of your philosophy, how do you think we should best approach diplomatic relations with foreign nations whose ethical principles conflict with American
Op-ed: I Should be Allowed to Kill People
Kinda got me thinking: “What if he just wasn’t alive anymore?”
Op-Ed: Sorry That You’re a Former Gifted Child. I’m Still Gifted and Now Also Beautiful.
The difference is for me it’s still true, and I’m extremely popular and good-looking as well.
Confused Frat Boy High Fives Girl After She Confesses She Has an IUD; “Right on dude I have two of them”
Ms. Penleggs reported a noticeable shift in the man’s face. He “finally stopped looking at my tits and looked me in the eyes for once,” then immediately dapped her up, proudly confessing, “oh hell yeah dude I got two of those myself.”
Ask Flippy: How do I quietly warn tour-going High School students what they’re getting into?
Dear Flippington, If you haven’t noticed, it’s that time of year again. All the high schoolers are lining up like lambs to the slaughter to visit our wonderful campus. But they don’t know the horrors. Those guides won’t tell them about the last-minute dining hall crowds at 7, they won’t tell them about the religious zealots on Sheridan that try to trick you into giving them your soul through free coffee, and they sure as hell won’t tell them that
Op-Ed: Running over someone with a car is okay if you cross your toes while pushing the gas pedal
I don’t condone violence. I don’t condone breaking traffic rules. But I do condone following honor codes typically used by children.
From The Archives: dirt for plants. sky for birds. stone for tools. all for one thing. but why penis used for 2 things
I man in cave old times each day go get meat for family drink water and sleep at night. Some day think of world and wonder. Man think a lot in time. Look at ground. Dirt for plants. Look at sky. See only birds. Stone useless. Unless for tools. Everything used one think only. Makes sense to man. One to one. But man confused. Man look down. Why penis used for two things.