The Northwestern community wishes Freitag a quick and healthy re-integration and hopes that the temporary assistance will relieve his raccoon-based paranoia built up over these several trying months.
“In years past, the water bottles were the perfect symbol for productivity and refreshment. But these days we count ourselves lucky not to contemplate our mortality every 5 seconds.”
“Morty doesn’t have a long attention span. Soon he’ll be caught up in his next misadventure and construction can continue as planned. No biggie.”
According to SOFO, the goal was to find a location inaccessible by road or other conventional forms of transportation.
After grabbing an unmarked yogurt from the company refrigerator, he knew he had to speak up against the injustice.
An overly nonchalant caption, exclusively in lowercase letters and overwhelmingly blasé, follows each post.
At press time, the White House was frantically sandbagging the doors and windows as neat regiments of transgender Navy Seals politely waited outside to have a word with the commander in chief.