Area Woman Touched by Sincerity of Catcaller
“I can just tell from our first interaction that he’s the kind of man I need to be with. I’ve had my fill of guys who don’t shout demeaning things at random passerby.”
Category Archives: No. 227
Local Mom Hopes You Had An Egg-cellent Easter
That’s all, yolks!
Barron Trump Entertained by Puppet Government
Several sources close to the Trump family have voiced concern over how much time he spends watching the soulless pawns dance across the screen, but Marcellus isn’t worried: “If anything, this is what his father would have wanted.”
Area Man Cleverly Sneaks “My Girlfriend” into Anecdote
In a maneuver described by neutral observers as “masterful” and “ultra-smooth,” SESP freshman Jacob Banbury expertly slid the words “my girlfriend” into a quick anecdote he told his friends over lunch in Norris earlier today. “It was sublime,” said one of those friends, Landon Trent, WCAS ’20. “He wasn’t, like, making a big deal out of it. He just nonchalantly dropped in the fact that he’s getting some while telling an unrelated story about what he gets on his Subway
NU Construction Unearths Heart of Ka’Zae’El, Unleashing Plague of Gnats
“Any historian knows that the ground beneath campus is hallowed by pagan witchcraft. The ancient ones knew to build out onto the lake rather than down into the abyss.”