Fraternity to Haze with Aggressive Emotional Support
“It’s more devastating than taking shots till we puke.”
Category Archives: No. 210
Area Sophomore Swallows Goldfish at Job Fair “to Prove Loyalty”
“He proceeded to bend down, removing the goldfish from its bowl, and drop it straight into his mouth.”
Trump Son-in-Law “Not Evil-Looking Enough”
Rated a solid 7 out of 10 for attractiveness by Vogue, Kushner seems to be able to get away with much more than the older, richer, whiter males.
“Pladimir Vutin” Appointed to Trump Cabinet
While congressional Democrats have cited Mr. Vutin’s connections to Russian politics as both risky and say that he “isn’t even trying anymore,” President-Elect Trump stands by his candidate.
Obama to Delay Trump’s Inauguration with Four-Year Farewell Address
The address will be supplemented by recurring segments on fashion trends, daily sports picks, and live reactions to Trump tweets.
Weinberg Junior to Attempt Eighth Different Note-Taking Method
Having already found that his grade decreases as his distance from the lecturer increases, Isaacs hopes to find a similar pattern through his increasingly robust data on what factors correlate most with success.
Trump Nominates Penis for Secretary of Agriculture
The truly unpresidented move comes as a surprise for the country, though it is not unusual considering his string of cabinet nominations that seem to involve people whose beliefs represent the opposite of the jobs to which they were appointed.
Diverse Fraternity Gets Second Black Guy
Coming on the heels of Beta Beta Beta’s ground-breaking decision last year to get their first black guy, this diverse fraternity is once again shifting the paradigm of what it means to be inclusive.