“I understand now that in order for Sheil to serve the Northwestern community, we need to give these idiot freshmen the coats they were too stupid to realize they needed in Illinois,” Sister Mary said.
“I thought Cassidy was really cool at first, but then she cornered me in the lounge, yelling about how I missed some Saturday night info session about using the CTA.”
Members of his family have repeatedly tried to help Blitzer break his “bad habit,” but all attempts at doing so have been fruitless.
Northwestern’s Alcohol ENU, long ignored by students, has recently come under fire for releasing a survey of PA drinking habits.
“This could definitely do me some good. My jaw gets very sore from handling meat so often.”
“He’s trying to pretend he’s Romeo when he comes off as a coked-up Charlie Sheen every time he talks to a girl.”