Mayfest Leaks Dillo Cancellation
“We like to maintain the element of surprise in announcing all performances and their cancellations, so it’s unfortunate that some information came out before we were ready to announce it.”
Category Archives: Year 8
Math Professor Honestly Doesn’t Even Know
Class suck up and economics major Margo Sanders commented, “Every time I ask him questions, he scribbles illegibly on the board, and shrugs his shoulders as if I magically understand his hieroglyphics.”
Trump: I’d See my Daughter in Burlesque
“I saw a burlesque show at a Catholic fundraiser the other day, and it seemed like the perfect thing my daughter Ivanka could be in.”
ASG: Christina, Macs Sentenced to Death by Lethal Injection
“These are very dangerous individuals and to allow them back into the public sphere would be a breach of public safety.”
Morty Grapefruited by Wife
Sources report that Morty was in fact at Auntie Angel’s event, where she demonstrated how to use common fruits and vegetables for erotic pleasure.
Five-Star Engineering Recruit Verbally Commits to McCormick
Conforto has not been free from out-of-the-classroom controversy, however. Some of his former high school mathletes allege he once tried a sip of beer at a party.
Hillary Clinton Sends Out Thousands of “Follow 4 Follow?” Tweets
“Kids these days are all on their phones doing the texting and tweeting I believe they call it,” Clinton told Flipside reporters.
Mayfest Confirms Collard Greens as Dillo Indie Act
“We’re very excited to have Greens at Dillo,” commented Anderson. “We’ve been watching her grow for a couple years and she’s poised to break into the indie scene any decade now.”
Searle Doctor Consults WebMD for Second, First Opinion
“As I was telling the doctor my symptoms, she was quickly typing them into her iPhone, and when I finished, she immediately told me I had cancer.”
White Student Drops Intro to Islam after Joke Bombs
“When he walked in the room the first day of the quarter and started riffing about Aladdin and magic carpets, I had a feeling he wouldn’t last long,” classmate Shannon Halpert said.