SOURCE: Hillary Hazes Pledged Delegates
“Not just anyone gets to be a delegate for Hillary Rodham Clinton. These pledges need to show that they have what it takes to win me the Democratic nomination.”
Category Archives: Year 8
Waa-Mu Set Burns Down Due to High Concentration of Theater Majors
The cast dispersed quickly and none were harmed. Once they all went into their dressing rooms, they were far enough away from each other to keep things at a safe, inflammable level.
Student Group Successfully Produces Large-scale Concert
“It just goes to show that with a little bit of planning and preparation, a student group can in fact have a successful concert with big-name artists.”
Flipside to Stop Printing Nude Centerfolds
In a recent press release, Flipside President Jordan Villanueva announced the surprising decision, citing the recent trend of most major news outlets deciding to remove all pornography from their publications.
Op-Ed: How Did My Econ Class End Up as a Dialogue on Women’s Reproductive Rights?
I just sat there in my chair, wondering how this happened and trying not to be labelled a gay-hating misogynist with a small penis for wanting to get back to the lecture.
Op Ed: It’s Awkward to Have a Woman on the Money I Use to Tip Strippers
“Because generous tippers like myself find it weird to see a woman on the money we use to tip strippers, and an old woman at that.”
Waa-Mu Cast Dies of Dysentery
“If it’s not dysentery, it’s cholera. Or exhaustion. We even had four different potential cast members break all of their legs in separate, unrelated incidents.”
Bernie Announces Monica Lewinsky as Running Mate
“She’s flexible, she’s not afraid to get her hands dirty, and she knows how to get things done in the Oval Office.”
Bernie Sanders Doing Electoral Math with Common Core
Bernie is as optimistic as ever, saying he still has a reasonable chance at winning the nomination, though critics have raised concerns that his electoral math was calculated using Common Core methods.
Professor on Maternity Leave Just Fucking Around
Sources indicate Swithers drops off her newborn at her parent’s house every morning before stopping by Domino’s for a large two-topping pizza on the way back home.