Newt Gingrich to Find 17th Wife at Northwestern Event
Coming off the heels of his 16th divorce just last week, Gingrich is eager to get back in the game.
Category Archives: Year 8
NU Updates Graduation Criteria, C’s No Longer Get Degrees
The Northwestern Graduation Office recently passed a new bylaw stating that students who receive C’s will no longer receive a Northwestern diploma.
Martin: “A Lannister Always Pays His Student Loan Debts”
Martin’s speech lasted approximately 15 minutes, with which he imparted words of wisdom such as “It’s the family name that lives on the building you donate. It’s all that lives on.”
Freshman Can’t Fall Asleep Without Soft Sounds of Roommate Masturbating
There’s something about it…I guess it soothes me.
Bienen to Offer Triangle Major
Those who intend to major can delve into classes such as “The Triangle in the Modern Rock Opera,” and “Classical Spanish Triangle Techniques.”
Area Student Not Really Feeling it This Quarter
“I was fine at the beginning, but now I’m just not into it anymore.”
Mayor Tisdahl Asks Students to Quiet Down on Third Down
“Nobody likes a bother”
Student Genuinely Interested in Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s Faith
“I thought the journey he took to find his faith was simply fascinating”
George R.R. Martin Kills Off Clayton Thorson
Sources are reporting Thorson’s roommate found his body and called the police at approximately 7:35 PM, Thursday evening.
Student Comes Out to Parents As SESP Transfer
With family weekend imminent, former engineer and freshman Cole Thompson finally came out to his parents as an SESP transfer. “I just had to—I couldn’t keep living a lie,” Cole said.