Op Ed: David Bowie Probably Won’t Headline Dillo Day
If they even got David Bowie, they would probably find some way to fuck it up. David Bowieās time is precious and he would not waste any of it working with amateurs.
Category Archives: Year 8
Math Department Finds Numbers Dwindling
Earlier today, the Northwestern mathematics department revealed that, due to budget shortfalls, funding for both mathematics research and mathematicians themselves would be cut.
Op Ed: Plexican is Cultural Appropriation
How can we claim to be a liberal university when such crimes of bigotry are happening under our very noses?
Task Force Recommends 174 One-Day Quarters
āIām already envisioning my morning routine. Wake up. Take a midterm. Brush my teeth, take a midterm. Shower. Take a midterm.”
RAs Required to Wear Body Cams
Student group Battered Dormitory Students Matterāabbreviated BDSMārepresents students who have fallen victim abuses of authority on campus.
Op Ed: We Need More Task Forces
Task forces for minorities on Northwestern can be great to make everyone feel truly equal; and each task force would be designed for each separate minority, from African Americans to Pacific Islanders.
Lottery Winner Spends Entire Winnings on Lottery
In an interview with The Flipside, Withers said that after āminutes upon minutesā of non-impulsive consideration, she felt that this was the most guaranteed way to continue making money off of her winnings.
Area Student Also Has Plenty of Dreams on MLK Day
Monroe, allegedly inspired by Kingās dream of racial equality, will start to work on his own dreams of not skipping lectures and staying in on Thursday nights.
Social Justice Warrior Refuses to Segregate Laundry by Color
“How could anybody honestly say that the different loads are āseparate but equal?”
BREAKING: Nothing Happening in Plex
While this allegedly began several hours ago, additional reports are claiming that there is nothing happening at this very moment either.