ETHS Student: I’ll Drink at Dillo, but I Won’t Touch The Devil’s Grass
He also repeatedly emphasizes that he has only consumed alcohol, and not “the evil plant.”
Category Archives: No. 195
Standoff Ends, Sit-In Begins
“If this continues much longer, we’ll have to lay down the law.”
Mom’s Special Boy Declares Very Unique Major in Economics
After much deliberation, the freshman decided to take a risk and commit to economics, a decision his mother called “brave and very unique.”
Trump Drops Out Just to Fuck with Us
Surrounded by a haunted-looking Chris Christie, an ebullient Hillary Clinton, and several Miss Universe contestants, Trump began his speech by saying “Well, that was easy.”
Mother’s Day Perfect Time to Announce Gap Year
Instead of jumping off a bridge, jump into a new line of work and announce to your parents not that you’re an abject failure but that you need to truly find yourself.
Area Student Secures Subway Sandwich Engineering Internship
“You know, I had a lot of jobs to choose between. I’m a pretty desirable candidate.”
Review Session Commandeered by Asshole Who Just Wants to Learn
During a review session for the Econ 202 Midterm, sources have reported that local asshole Jeremy Crack (WCAS ’19) commandeered the entire session.
SOURCE: Hillary Hazes Pledged Delegates
“Not just anyone gets to be a delegate for Hillary Rodham Clinton. These pledges need to show that they have what it takes to win me the Democratic nomination.”
Waa-Mu Set Burns Down Due to High Concentration of Theater Majors
The cast dispersed quickly and none were harmed. Once they all went into their dressing rooms, they were far enough away from each other to keep things at a safe, inflammable level.