Op Ed: It’s Awkward to Have a Woman on the Money I Use to Tip Strippers
“Because generous tippers like myself find it weird to see a woman on the money we use to tip strippers, and an old woman at that.”
Category Archives: No. 193
Professor on Maternity Leave Just Fucking Around
Sources indicate Swithers drops off her newborn at her parent’s house every morning before stopping by Domino’s for a large two-topping pizza on the way back home.
Mayfest Leaks Dillo Cancellation
“We like to maintain the element of surprise in announcing all performances and their cancellations, so it’s unfortunate that some information came out before we were ready to announce it.”
Math Professor Honestly Doesn’t Even Know
Class suck up and economics major Margo Sanders commented, “Every time I ask him questions, he scribbles illegibly on the board, and shrugs his shoulders as if I magically understand his hieroglyphics.”
Trump: I’d See my Daughter in Burlesque
“I saw a burlesque show at a Catholic fundraiser the other day, and it seemed like the perfect thing my daughter Ivanka could be in.”
ASG: Christina, Macs Sentenced to Death by Lethal Injection
“These are very dangerous individuals and to allow them back into the public sphere would be a breach of public safety.”
Morty Grapefruited by Wife
Sources report that Morty was in fact at Auntie Angel’s event, where she demonstrated how to use common fruits and vegetables for erotic pleasure.