STUDY: No One Drunk Enough for RCB Formal
Following the annual Residential College Board’s Formal held at Chicago’s Children’s Museum, a recent study found that very few of the attendees had pre-gamed the event.
Category Archives: No. 178
Governor Rauner Warms Hands by Fire of Burning Quran
“These Qurans sure burn hot and fast.”
BREAKING: C-Store Sushi Contains Traces of Fish
Authorities have preliminarily declared that the presence of fish in the sushi poses no danger to consumers, though Northwestern administration has already launched an investigation into possible implications.
Study: Everyone Best Friends with Their Roommates Except You
A recent study released by the Northwestern University Psychology Department shows conclusively for the first time that everyone but you is friends with their roommate.
ASG Passes Resolution Condemning Race
EVANSTON – Following recent nationwide unrest and several related demonstrations on Northwestern’s campus, ASG has passed a resolution condemning race. The bill passed 44-1. ASG Executive Vice President Christina Star, WCAS ’16, expressed her avid support for the bill. “When you look at the news, it’s pretty clear that race is a very hot issue right now. Lots of people are upset about it. We, as Associated Student Government, strongly believe in condemning things our students are upset about. This
Syrian Refugees Refuse Opportunity to Live in Bobb Hall
EVANSTON – In a gracious attempt to do its part in the increasingly turbulent Syrian refugee crisis, Northwestern University has offered to take in up to 25 Syrian families and host them in unoccupied rooms in Bobb Hall, but upon visiting their prospective homes, the selected families promptly declined. Bobb RA Meera Nahas was chosen to show the families around Northwestern last week, and he says they seemed largely pleased with the beauty of the campus. “That’s until I took
Newt Gingrich Comes, Eats Hot Cookie Bar, Leaves
Gingrich didn’t say much, but he was seen taking a sizable scoop of soupy cookie dough from the Hot Cookie Bar, a classic favorite at Northwestern dining halls.
Mayor Tisdahl, Newt Gingrich Match on Tinder
According to multiple sources, Evanston Mayor Elizabeth Tisdahl and former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich have matched on Tinder.
Dorm Groundbreaking Uncovers Graveyard of Student Hopes and Dreams
The contractors in charge of the building project were unaware that they were building over this graveyard, a spot where students have been burying their hopes and dreams since the Cold War.
Vic Law Suffers Torn Labia, Out for Season
Law originally injured his labia over the summer during an overly passionate routine morning workout. Ever since then the injury has been gradually worsening, due to overuse of his labia.