Spanish Student Flunks Oral Exam after Losing Voice in Primal Scream
Category Archives: No. 119
North West Admitted into Northwestern Class of 2035
The offer comes with a full-ride scholarship to Northwestern University, which is projected to charge tuition of over $200,000 a year by the time of West’s possible matriculation in 2031.
Pixar Canada to Shut Down after Release of Wall-Eh?
Schapiro Vows to Build Theme Park on Campus
“We noticed that we were leasing out land in the geographic center of that campus to some church or something,” said Schapiro. “We’re going to have our lawyers find a way out of that, and then we’ll have a big plot of land for construction.”
Ezra Pound: “I Really Admire Your Wildcat Spirit”
A sea of purple shirts, without interruption or impurity, all rallying around the leadership of the great Pat Fitzgerald – what could be more beautiful? Nothing, I feel.
Where Are You Hiding Your Alcohol During Family Weekend?
STUDY: Under 10% of High School Graduates Prepared to Draw Bell Curves
The report demonstrates that “Bell Curve Degeneracy,” a metric developed exclusively for the report, increased from 0 to 307 between 2008 and 2012.
School of Comm Résumé Building: “Retweeted Over 300 Times”
Additional skills: Instagram, Starbucks Gold Card
ASG Elections Kidnapping Plot Foiled
“The race for padding resumés with bullshit positions has never been more intense,” said Neil Mantle, Allison’s Area Coordinator. “We were afraid something like this might happen eventually.”
House GOP Concerned Female Fed Reserve Chair Might Waste Dollars on Shoes, Birth Control
Members of the House Tea Party Caucus, who frequently represents the period-costume-wearing wing of the Republican Party, began circulating a memo urging Republican senators to reject the nomination.