Fire Alarm in Hinman During Game Confirms Which Students Don’t Give a Shit about Football
“Are we winning?”
Category Archives: No. 118
Substance-Free Hall Wins Beer Pong Tournament
“Ittall hashta do witsh thee whrist…”
Fowler: Filming GameDay on Construction Site was Good Call
“We wanted to give our viewers a taste of the Northwestern University experience, which includes a constant sensory barrage of the sights, sounds, and smells of an active construction site in one of America’s top-twelve universities,” said host Chris Fowler.
Technological Institute Makes Plans to Secede From the University
“There has always been a fundamental divide between Tech and [Northwestern]. Tech is a building large enough to house several medium sized liberal arts colleges as well as the entire population of Zimbabwe,” said Dr. Ottino.
NRA Begins Program to Hand Out Free Guns to People Who Look Like Good Guys
“I’m sorry sir, but you’ll need to shave that ‘stache before I can hand you one of these AKs.”
Tom Clancy Dies; Cold War Finally Over
BREAKING: Keys Lost!
“Most of the people helping just scanned the ground, but I went straight for the bushes and got down on all fours, because I’m not afraid to do the hard jobs,” said a student helping search for the missing key.
Childish Gambino Thrilled to Perform at Chet Haze’s Alma Mater
Demonstrating a strong knowledge of Haze’s discography, Gambino stated that Haze’s debut single “White and Purple” was a musical triumph that inspired the award-winning writer and comedian to focus on his rap career.
BREAKING: Philosophy Major Receives Job Offer
Northwestern Tour Guide Walks Backwards into Open Sewer Drain
“And here we have the Thomas Crapper Memorial…”