Anime Club Director “Making Dad Proud”
Anime Club Director Edward Elric (SESP ’19) has announced he is “still making dad proud” after another tense seven minute phone call last Sunday.
Category Archives: Year 11
Trump Apologizes for Mistreatment of Elizabeth Warren, Admits He Was Wrong
Trump’s speech has been widely regarded as a shining example of political decency and civility. Many are also applauding his masterful turn of phrase and elegant use of language in his speech.
Morty Confused Why He Can’t See His Pediatrician Anymore
In a rambling speech on Tuesday, University President Morton Shapiro admitted to Northwestern’s Board of Trustees that he’s not really sure why he can’t keep seeing his pediatrician. “I just felt like I had a special connection with Dr. Tottles,” Morty lamented to the confused room of trustees, who thought they were getting a speech about the university budget. “Every time he would put one of my little hairs under his microscope and tell me he could see AND in
Professor Briefly Considers Career in Comedy After Half of Class Exhales Through Nostrils
“It was really a better reaction than I ever could have hoped for,” Williams said.
Morty deems scooters “too straining” on football players, instead gives them piggy-back rides through campus
Athletic trainers and strength coaches workshopped several ideas before they arrived upon the piggy-backing.
Halloween and Hump Day on Dangerous Collision Course
Reports are filing in from multiple student sources that Halloween and the widely observed “Hump Day” are on course for a climactic and messy collision, leaving many to speculate if candy will be the only thing spread out on the living room floor this holiday season. “This Hump Day I can just be myself and pretend it’s some sort of costume.”, said an anonymous Weinberg freshman. “And maybe I’ll finally be able to get more than just candy in the
Google Unable to Fix YouTube Without YouTube Tutorials on How To Fix YouTube
“Right about then you would look for a YouTube tutorial, but then we remembered that YouTube wasn’t working, and also that we work for YouTube.”
Pete Davidson Unfollows “Victorious” Fanpage on Instagram
At press time, the 40-year old man operating @myqueentorivega69 briefly considered getting a job before converting his fanpage to an iCarly account in hopes of regaining Davidson’s approval.
Northwestern Student Already Has Pretty Good Idea When to Schedule Fall Mental Breakdown
“It’ll fit perfectly in between these two weeks of straight midterms and the next Friday, when I have 6 papers due.”
Students Don’t Know if They Should Be More Stressed About Midterm Exams or Elections
“Young people must take time to research candidates in order to make informed decisions at the polls. But I also have a chem midterm on Wednesday and know nothing.”