âWe know people donât really read the One Book,â she explained, âbut if it is filled with drawings of lovable ninja adolescents and their enlightening journeys to become the greatest Hokage the village has ever had, what college student could possibly pass that up?â
“He ripped off factors, canceled like terms in his numerator and denominator … and let me say, his denominator was not bad at all.â
“Neither the size of Powellâs dick in particular nor the horniness of the Eastern Bloc ambassadors more generally should take away from our efforts to provide security and prosperity to the world,â the high school senior said.
âWe are honored to present Bandit âthe Outdoor Roombaâ with this degree,â stated university President Morton Shapiro, âthis little trash thief is singlehandedly reducing each of our carbon footprints and we feel itâs time to recognize his achievements.â
Though the free condoms and candy of Northwesternâs Sex Week have come and gone, its effects on the student body have only just begun to be felt â and explored.
âWe wanted to distance ourselves from this debate over work culture and proper mental care to focus on what we think the university really stands for. Money.â
âAs if I didnât trust Facebook enough already,â said Ted Damon, area father, âI can definitely put my faith in it now that itâs showing me how well it knows me.â Prompted for clarification, Damon said, âWho doesnât love a business that listens to its customers?â
“He needs the sun to raise his body temperature to the optimal algorithm-writing temperature.â
âEvery time I hear her go âHavana ooh nana,â a little part of me dies inside, and I feel my soul slowly wither away.”
“It was all done to help the campaign. Seriously, why donât you try giving a speech with two plastic bags hanging off the sides of your face?”