Area Student Asks Advisor If He Can Drop All Four Classes
“I had to draw the line when he wanted to bail out of Math 220,” Kraps continued. “At that point, he was basically in SESP!”
Category Archives: No. 242
Professorless Students Waiting Five More Minutes Before Just Going Home
On pain of death, students must wait for five minutes for TAs, ten minutes for associate professors, and fifteen minutes for full professors before leaving.
Commencement Speaker Replaced with Old Man Telling Each Graduate the Date of Their Death
The man will forego the typical commencement address to the graduating class in favor of walking silently amongst the rows of sitting students, placing a pale, scarred hand on the forehead of those he selects.
Bald Men Passing On Street Quietly Acknowledge Each Other
Multiple eyewitnesses observed the men exchange prolonged eye contact and a subtle nod as the sun glinted off their heads.
Area White Guy: “I Really Liked Martin Freeman in Black Panther”
‘He definitely was the breakout performance. They should have given him a bigger role in the movie.’
Fraternity Elbows Way to Intramural Basketball Championship
The player of the game was sixth-year senior Blake Peters, who finished with 22 points, 8 rebounds, 14 elbows, and 6 shoves.
Health Services Reminds Sick Students to Rest Up, Drink Water, and Cough in Mudd Library
Northwestern University Health Services sent out an email last Monday reminding sick students to rest up, drink lots of water, and cough extra loudly in Mudd Library.
Morty Plans Econ Professor Parade Down Sheridan Road
Morty will begin by sequestering all of NUPD (on and off duty) to blockade Sheridan from any traffic for one week before and after the parade
NU College Republicans Finally Recruit an Ethnic
The group has managed to expand their membership in the latest round of mid-midterm-season recruiting by an unprecedented three new members, only two of whom were Anglo-American.