âSexy Mortyâ Costume Back in Stores This Halloween
The costume has already sold out through online pre orders, but Norris assures that they will restock soon.
Category Archives: Archives
Area Freshman Watches a Lot of Porn
Stevens said that he first started worrying about his roommate when he âwalked into the room one night at 1:15 a.m. to find Jason sitting in the dark at his desk, watching porn and eating Pad Thai.â
All-Male PA Group Awkwardly Says âNo Homoâ After Every Sentence
“We can get brunch as a PA group and try each otherâs food without having to ask for a sterilized fork now; itâs very liberating no homo.â
Area Student Has Shitty Face, Personality
âI love my son and all,â said mother Isabel Byrne, âbut sometimes he can be such an asshole; and when he gives me that dumb looking smirk, I sometimes feel like hitting him with my car.â
Northwestern Student Body Headed Straight to Hell
âI think I saw the mad glint of their godâs eye today. His shriveled white prophet made it explicit when he condemned me to hellfire lest I repent. Those are damn convincing words.â
Shepard Freshman Camps Outside Laundry Room with Big Fuck-Off Axe
âOh, I totally intend to use this,â Ruben said when questioned about the fire axe resting on her lap. âNobody is going to keep my three weeksâ worth of sweatpants out any longer.â
Justin Jackson Releases Tax Returns for Some Reason
His reported income includes wages from a summer job a few years ago, and thatâs apparently it.
Sheil to Hold Coat Drive for Idiot Freshmen
âI understand now that in order for Sheil to serve the Northwestern community, we need to give these idiot freshmen the coats they were too stupid to realize they needed in Illinois,â Sister Mary said.
Local RA Only Member of Floor GroupMe
“I thought Cassidy was really cool at first, but then she cornered me in the lounge, yelling about how I missed some Saturday night info session about using the CTA.”
Wolf Blitzer Shouts âBreaking Newsâ Before Taking Shit
Members of his family have repeatedly tried to help Blitzer break his âbad habit,â but all attempts at doing so have been fruitless.