Paul Ryan Dutifully Picks Up Trump’s Dry Cleaning
“He seemed a little embarrassed about holding the bag.”
Category Archives: Archives
Area Parents Can’t Believe Son into Both Musicals and Women
“It was as if I had told them I wanted to have an abortion or transfer to McCormick—surprise, then a quick shared glance, then guilt, then forced smiles and a hug.”
Op-Ed: Northwestern Needs to Eliminate the Daily
“I get a lot more of my news from uncomfortable urinal conversations when I decide to pee adjacent to another dude in an empty restroom than I do from the Daily.”
Area Vaper Having Hard Time Sourcing Locally
“I’m a college student paying over $60,000 for tuition, and $15 dollars per thing of e-juice. There should be cheaper options in the area.”
Clowns Nationwide Having Trouble Juggling Work and Play
“The only time I have to myself is on my walks through the woods near the kindergarten.”
PA Group Found Dead in Human Knot
Brian McNulty, one of the workers who found Group 193, described the scene as “the single most confusing thing I have ever stumbled upon.”
That Kid in the Front of Class Really Can Eat a Dick
Sucking a dick is just one of the many skills this wunderkind has mastered.
Polynesian-Americans Disappointed that Trump Hasn’t Slandered Them Yet
“It just seems like it’s our turn. Where’s our Alicia Machado moment?”
White Teenager Says “Praise Yeezus,” Gets a Solid Laugh
“My friends used to ‘Praise Yeezus’ all the time in Idaho, and I just thought it was something people said.”
‘Sexy Morty’ Costume Back in Stores This Halloween
The costume has already sold out through online pre orders, but Norris assures that they will restock soon.