Op-Ed: I Like the Cold But I Wouldn’t Let My Daughter Date It
I’m not paranoid calling a shoveling service when I see snow piling up in my driveway I just don’t think it belongs in my community.
Category Archives: Archives
Area Student Lost Unmarked Keys with NU Lanyard Somewhere on Campus
As of Tuesday, there has been a single response to McBride’s post. Grace Lin’s “lol”.
Willie the Wildcat’s New Memoir, From Litter Box to Football Field, Sells 2 Million Copies
“I never wanted to be a mascot growing up. My dream was to move to an artist colony in Paris to pursue my passion of paw painting, but I got addicted to coke.”
Holy Food War Breaks Out Between Halal and Kosher Food Stations
“It was a nightmare. Scalding matzah ball soup blinded four and stab wounds from Iraqi kebabs took the lives of two Buddhist passersby. Also, the vegan table is now totally covered in Kosher brisket shrapnel. What am I supposed to eat now?”
Man Preps For Interview By Dousing Himself In 16 Different Colognes
Step 1? Education. Step 2? Cologne overdose. Step 3? Employment.
College Republicans Can’t Wait to Plan Next Year’s Offensive Guest Speaker
“As soon as we saw the angry Twitter posts and op-ed articles in The Daily Northwestern, we knew that our event was a major success.”
Area Sophomore Still Sits Criss Cross Apple Sauce
“I don’t understand what’s wrong with sitting criss cross apple sauce. It’s really comfortable.”
Bill O’Reilly to Release New Book in Wake of Allegations: Killing My Boner
Killing My Boner follows O’Reilly’s past bestsellers Killing Lincoln and Killing Kennedy, which O’Reilly stresses are “not, I repeat, not murder confessions.”
Morty Tops Forbes 400 List of People With Most Catcash
Amazon founder Jeff Bezos tweeted, “Who’s Morty, and what the hell is Catcash?”
Michael Bublé Beginning Defrosting Process for Christmas
Then, called by the scent of peppermint hot chocolate and spiked eggnog, he mysteriously emerges at some unknown time in early November to fulfill his Christmas responsibilities.