Morty Plans Econ Professor Parade Down Sheridan Road
Morty will begin by sequestering all of NUPD (on and off duty) to blockade Sheridan from any traffic for one week before and after the parade
Category Archives: Archives
Despite Best Efforts of BLAST, White People Still Can’t Dance
“We tried, we really did,” said BLAST president Anita Quizphe, WCAS ‘18.
NU College Republicans Finally Recruit an Ethnic
The group has managed to expand their membership in the latest round of mid-midterm-season recruiting by an unprecedented three new members, only two of whom were Anglo-American.
Raccoons Break into Tasty Garbage with Their Little Hands
“They were so efficient, the little rascals! They picked everything up, just like a person! But with the tiniest hands…!”
Northwestern Ranked #5 for College Dining in Evanston
President Morton Schapiro, recently ranked “best current president of Northwestern,” told Flipside reporters after the dining hall report came out that he was happy to just be in the top ten for once.
Investigation Finds 6 Murder Allegations in Unread CTECs
“She just looked at me and said, ‘Deal with the grade you got or you’ll end up like the last one.’”
Flipside Investigative Report: Where Do All the Uneaten Dining Hall Chickpeas Go?
Where do all the uneaten chickpeas go? A Qatar-based cryptocurrency is only the beginning of the story…
Payphone in Norris About to Activate Sleeper Agent
Every single person in Norris today is blissfully ignorant of what they, and all humanity, will soon experience.
Frat Guy Declares It “Year of the Doggy Style”
“We have only the finest and most authentic Chinese beer at this thing. If that doesn’t play out, pouring some soy sauce in Busch Light normally does the trick.”
NU Campus Tours to Eliminate Backwards Talking
“In our office, we always strive to make our tours inclusive, and today, that means including all those prospective students and their families that only understand forward-spoken English.”