Bobb Students Discover “Throw-Up Holes” Actually Called Sinks
Freshmen were shocked to find out these conveniently located containers weren’t designed for their puking needs.
Category Archives: Archives
Freshman Theater Major Scoped Out Only Love Interest Who Can Stand Him
“If she’ll stick around for Frozen, she’ll stick around for anything. She’s a keeper.”
CAPS Hands Out ‘A+’ Stickers to Dejected High School Valedictorians
“We at CAPS strive to affirm the appallingly fragile, extrinsically-fixed self-worth of our former best and brightest.”
Fraternity Brother Already Has Pretty Good Idea Who Won’t Come Forward at Least 35 Years From Now
“Sometimes, it’s important for philanthropists that people keep quiet about their good deeds,” Neill told reporters after completing a keg stand.
Idiot Freshman Can’t Find Building
“I guess it’s early and I’m still finding my way around,” White said, as if that were actually a thing.
Freshman Blames Poor Work Ethic on “Long Summer”
“After 85 consecutive days of doing, like, nothing, it’s hard to get back into the swing of things,” she said, clearly skirting the fact that she had not opened a single book since arriving on campus.
Freshman Sends When2meet to Parents for Parents Weekend
“I’m in college now and have so much more responsibility. It’s just more efficient this way.”
Prayers Go Out to Sorority Sister after Dad Doesn’t Fill her Bank Account in Time for Bar Crawl
A candlelight vigil is scheduled for this Wednesday to commemorate the tragedy.
NU Freshman Complains of “Hurricane of Homework,” Retracts Statement
“I actually do know some people in Florida, so I get why that sounds offensive.”
Northwestern Required to Provide Eight Metric Tons of Corn for Nebraska Football Team to Graze
Northwestern obliged with a long-standing Big Ten policy and provided the Cornhuskers with eight metric tons of corn to satisfy the team’s so-called “craze for the graze.”