“I never thought this would happen, dude,” lamented Burt McDover, who looked after Post Malone’s head lice. “Posty said he just wanted to try taking a quick shower because all his buddies did it every day. It’s the newest trend, you know?”
Studies show that this is the 7000thinstance in 2019 of a white man speaking on a topic with irrational confidence despite having little to no knowledge of said topic.
“I will be launching a weekly ceremony to eliminate people from the GroupMe,” wrote Piper in an official press release to the GroupMe. “You can gain immunity from elimination by doing my laundry or locating a fork during lunchtime in Sargent.”
“We also prioritize inclusivity. That’s why we’re going to offer alternative gluten-free linguine, too.”
“Pizza, on the other hand, is far too vulgar and plebeian a food to satisfy my intellectual desire. “
This report contradicts earlier statements by Hughes himself that he can “absolutely get it” on the dance floor
“Gosh darn” thought WCAS Junior Alberto Munez, as he realized he hadn’t been paying attention to his psychology professors lecture for the past 10 minutes as he pondered his own lonely, miserable existence.
“When I got the email welcoming me into School of Comm, in that very instant, it just hit me. This is it… I can finally break out the beret,” Wayfield stated, fighting back tears.
“I can’t get out of bed in the morning, but you can bet that I’ll have a good time riffing off of that for the Flipside,” said Chen.
A case study on McCormick sophomore, Bobby Majewski, revealed shocking results: Canada Goose coats may warm the body, but they are no match for the cold within his soul.