Disney eyeing live-action Song of the South remake
Industry insiders speculate that Virginia Governor Ralph Northam is being considered to play the lead role.
Category Archives: Archives
State of the Union between Donald and Melania rapidly deteriorating
Melania could not be reached for comment, as she was busy staring out a White House window, her hand pressed against the cold glass, thinking of the days when she was a young girl and had nothing, and how much she took those days for granted.
Morty Tells Investors That “In Shapiro-Bucks We’re Fine!”
After months of the budget crisis plaguing the university, Northwestern President Morton Shapiro issued a desperate message to investors not to worry because “In Shapiro-Bucks, we’re fine!”.
Area Man with a Blog Wonders Why He’s Alone on Valentine’s Day
“I’m really the whole package,” Schmidt said. “What lovely lady wouldn’t want a man with a sharp wit and nearly a dozen followers on his blog?”
Frozone To Guest Star In Frozen 2
“The current plan is to establish a romance between Elsa and Frozone. Then, they’ll both appear in Toy Story 4, in preparation for the big crossover movie we’ve slated for 2022.”
“The Oscars Don’t Care About Editing, So Neither Do I,” Says RTVF Major Not Proofreading Midterm Paper
Her professor disclosed that Nolan received a thirty percent on her midterm.
Not Getting that Chuck E. Cheese Internship is Rock Bottom for Area Freshman
Area freshman Hugo Baxter officially hit rock bottom Thursday morning after he opened his email only to find a formal letter of rejection for a summer internship position at wildly mediocre children’s entertainment center and restaurant, Chuck E. Cheese. Sources close to Baxter have shared that the Chuck E. Cheese gig was the last hurrah for the McCormick student, after a devastating fall quarter of rejections from all of Baxter’s dream positions at literally every single reputable firm under the
EXCLUSIVE: Not My Relationship With Jessica, Apparently
And yes, perhaps you’re just keeping your options open because you “think you can find someone better.” Well, I have a little something to say to you, JESSICA — just because it’s true doesn’t make it hurt any less.
Virginia Governor: “So What if I Like Ghosts?”
Virginia Governor Ralph Northam might have more skeletons in his closet than a necrophilic anatomy teacher. Last week a photo from Northam’s yearbook page resurfaced showing two people, one in black face and the other in a Ku Klux Klan hood. Or so it seemed. Shortly after the photo was published, Northam identified himself as the man in white but was quick to defend himself. “I was clearly wearing a ghost costume for a Halloween party. And so what if
Northwestern Student Not Invited To Enough Parties To Have Drinking Problem
Surveys conducted by HPaW reveal that a shocking 31% of Northwestern students have a dangerously low blood alcohol content which coincides with a precipitous decline in the population’s party invites. The social capital of students with functioning livers is apparently critically low. “It’s a self-perpetuating cycle,” Mason Wincheski, Weinberg junior, sighs as he wipes a small paper cut with a disinfectant wipe in the desperate hope to get alcohol into his system. “Everyone knows anyone worth anything has an unhealthy