Author Archives: Zoe Kulick

Trump Creates New “BOOM Department” For Bombing His Enemies, Appoints AJ & Big Justice As Secretaries

While some may have missed the announcement in between Trump’s creation of an “Efficiency Commission” and appointment of a sex criminal to lead the government’s law enforcement agency, the president-elect notably created a “BOOM Department” for bombing his enemies and named AJ & Big Justice as its foremen. Trump originally met AJ & Big Justice while he was working the McDonald’s drive thru. The father-son pair ordered everything on the menu for one of their viral videos and proceeded to

Local Emo Indie Boy Stares Straight at the Eclipse: “I’d Rather be Blind than Continue to Watch the Modern Horrors of our Fucked-up World”

“I mean hurricanes in New Orleans, fires in California — those things are expected,” he explained, “but an earthquake in New York?! That’s where I draw the line. My parents are still shaken up about it, especially because they felt it more than others in their building. Because they’re higher up. Well, because they’re on the top floor. I mean, because they’re in the penthouse.”

From The Man Watching You Through Your Kindle: “Ooooooh Yes Roll Over To Your Side”

Kindles have taken the world by storm. Ever since people realized that you can read embarrassing, smutty novels, or memoirs by cancelled celebrities without revealing the cover to strangers, they have been flying off the shelves. But there is a dark side to this beautiful technological innovation that can store up to 6,000 books while being light as a croissant, the man who watches you through your kindle at night and loves when you roll over on your side. One

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