Rick Perry Can Only Name Two of the Three Primary Colors
Author Archives: Tom Schroeder
Hippies Hosed On Wall Street, Recieve First Shower In A Decade
[Future Issue: 2161] Sports Week in Review: NBA Lockout Almost Over, Favre Contemplating Return
Media analysts say that even if the league makes its return this winter, it will have a tough time competing with major-market sports like hover-NASCAR.
[Future Issue: 2161] After Endless Struggle, Canadians Conquer World
[Future Issue: 2161] Lord ╒╤╤╧▲▪▫◙ Orders Earthlings to Stop Masturbating So Much
[Future Issue: 2161] “The Simpsons” Renewed for Two More Years
Wisconsin Freshman Marvels at Homeless Man Masturbating on Purple Line
“Everyone pretty much ignored it, so I figured that it was normal. We don’t have that up north.”
Man returns iPhone 4S after alleged sexual harassment
TOPEKA – One man of Tecumseh, Kansas who prefers to be referred to only as “Brian,” is filing charges against Apple for sexual harassment by the new iPhone’s voice-recognizing assistant. “It all started off alright,” Brian said, “I was excited about the new update, I unboxed it right away…it all seemed so normal.” Brian says that he should’ve taken the phone’s first interaction with him more seriously. “I started it up, and the first thing it said was, ‘What’s your
Gothic Rock Band “The Flying Buttresses” a Soaring Success
HAMBURG, Holy Roman Empire – From the far West of Berlin to distant East Amsterdam, the entire world is up in arms over the hellfire hot new band The Flying Buttresses. With a repertoire full of popular ballads like “Hey You, Get off of My Pew,” “Us and Him,” and “I’ve Got 95 Theses but a Byzantine Ain’t One,” The Flying Buttresses are the most successful band in the Empire since The Painted Glass. The Flying Buttresses have vaulted to
Midterm to Test Freshmen’s Basic Human Skills
EVANSTON – The Group for Training Freshmen in Observance, or GTFO, released a statement Monday demanding that all freshmen be forced to take a midterm exam grading them on their life skills. This exam will test students in 3 major categories of living, including not annoying the shit out of people, not looking like a dumbass, and personal hygiene. Questions under the first category will cover topics such as having a public break-up in the 3rd floor lounge, saving seats