Wildcat Geogame Under Fire from UN After Claiming Saxony “Part of Greater Poland”
The geogame clarified, “Bolesław I the Brave, Duke of Poland, claimed Saxony for Greater Poland in 1002.”
Author Archives: Soren Campbell
Joe Biden Dazzles White House Press Corps by Driving New Electric Truck Over Journalist at Top Speed
After a lightning-fast lap around the facility, Biden continued speeding directly towards the group of journalists unobserved, aided by the silence of the new state-of-the-art electric engine. However, they were soon made aware of his presence as he ran over the journalist who had earlier asked him for comment at top speed.
Impending Disaster: Professor Hasn’t Noticed YouTube Set to Autoplay Next Recommended Video
Some have attempted to contact the professor through the Zoom chat in the vain hopes he knows what that is or how to check it—but, unfortunately for the students, the odds of this happening are slim to none.
In Response to Gender-Neutral Potato Head Rebrand, Fisher-Price to Release New “Man Carrot” Toy Complete with Large, Throbbing, Plastic Penis
Man Carrot comes equipped with several accessories, such as a gun, a bottle of Viagra, and a cigar. Most notable about this toy is the large, anatomically-correct penis attached to the six-inch tall figure, a detail that has not gone unnoticed by Fisher-Price’s critics.
Potential Biden Cabinet: President-Elect Eyeing Skyällsborg, Jill Biden Believes Grönkulla Matches Kitchen Counters Better
“Biden confused reporters with his inability to clarify whether he was talking about a person or furniture.”
From the Archives: Calls to Abolish Greek Life of Philosopher Socrates, Forced to Drink Hemlock
“I mean for Zeus’ sake, we’ve barely just invented math, we don’t have time for philosophy!”
Local Man Picks Random Balkan Country to Form New Personality Around
“I’ve tried to talk to him and make sure he’s doing ok, but he kept shouting about land disputes between Kosovo and Serbia,” explained a close friend, who wished to remain anonymous.
Local Sophomore Sexiles Self Just for the Nostalgia
Weinberg Sophomore Sarah Tennant is not on campus this quarter, but she has found one way to bring a little bit of the college experience home: by forcing herself out of her room while her “roommate” has someone over. “I realized that online classes and virtual hangouts with friends weren’t enough,” she said. “What I was really missing was awkwardly sitting in the dorm lounge trying not to think about my roommate and Kyle from Econ and what they’re doing
From the Archives: Pete Buttigieg Announces Himself Valedictorian Before Grades Officially Released
The school announced Monday that the reporting of semester grades was delayed because of “inconsistencies” in some teachers’ grading.
Movie Mishap: Jason Derulo’s Penis Accidentally Edited into Every Shot of Little Women
“Tom was very clear: we are keeping Mr. Derulo’s digital penis saved just in case.”