Bummer! Meet Cute Goes Wrong When Both People Are Ugly
“I expected HER to be attractive, so it would be fine that I wasn’t,” said Jones, adjusting his fedora and twirling his handlebar mustache.
Author Archives: Sophie Brown
Couple with COVID Probably Having Hot Quarantine Sex in Plex, You’re Having Dining Hall Chickpeas On a Friday Night
Speaking of safety, these active couples aren’t putting it first. But are we really surprised that they’re avoiding protection when they already have a hard time keeping their masks above their noses? Let’s cut them some slack. After all, it’s just not the same with a mask on.
Color Sends 3 AM Text to Entire Student Body: “You’re Four Days Behind On Your Testing Schedule, Are We Still A Thing?”
“I’ve seen them with someone named NAVICA a lot recently, and I’m worried about our relationship,” said Color. “I heard she goes a lot deeper than me.”
Biden Rejects Student Loan Forgiveness Plan, Salty Because He Just Finished Paying His Student Loans
For decades, Biden has been spotted working weekends at Sunglass Hut, presumably to pick up some extra cash. It is unclear whether or not he will continue working now that his loans are paid off.
New Study Shows Over 200% of Northwestern Students Ignore the “One Book” Emails
“Such emails serve absolutely no purpose, other than reminding the majority of students how shitty they are for not reading whatever book it was that they were supposed to.”
Critics Find Trump’s Impeachment Sequel “A Little Stale, Been Done Before”
“The new plot was bland, and the ending was a lazy and rushed attempt to conclude the presidency. Not to mention they cut out Mitt Romney, who was one of the best characters.”
Ask Flippy: Who Do I Need to Fuck to Get a Good Registration Time?
Seriously, why do I register with the freshmen when I am fully a junior??
Instagram Announces that They’ll Automatically Block the Story Feature From All Theatre Kids Doing Takeovers On Opening Night
A whopping 78% actually report the accounts that posted the stories for spam content
Local Econ Bro Implodes After Being Asked “Why Can’t We Just Print More Money?”
The Evanston Fire Department arrived on scene immediately after Martin literally erupted in flames.
Report: Everyone Definitely Noticed That Word You Mispronounced While Reading Aloud
“It wasn’t even a difficult word to pronounce,” Simmons admitted. “I just wasn’t prepared to be called on to read.”