Sam Block | Northwestern Flipside

Author Archives: Sam Block

Northwestern Issues Apology for Fake Platform 9¾ Report

November 1, 2009 Sam Block Leave a comment

CHICAGO—After sending a campus-wide email that a student has gone missing since accidentally boarding the Platform 9¾ train at Union Station, Northwestern University has discovered that this report was a hoax after the student was found sipping piña coladas and re-reading the fifth Harry Potter novel at the Union Station bar. “It was not a bonafide instance of magical kidnapping,” said a policeman, using his strongest diction possible. Widespread concern was felt because of many details in the email. The

Freshman Nearly Makes Friend

October 31, 2009 Sam Block Leave a comment

EVANSTON—Putting on and tucking in his Class of ’13 shirt, McCormick freshman Danny Gubin had a feeling it was going to be a good day. Gubin, often described as a real loser, then brushed his teeth with his electric toothbrush and flossed. Twice. Gubin stared down at the condom given to him in his 6th grade health class, muttering to himself, “Today is going to be the day.” After stumbling into the hallway over the “Our Little Boy Is In

Poster Sale Purchases More Interesting Than Buyers

October 9, 2009 Sam Block Leave a comment

EVANSTON—You can tell a lot about a man by his wall. No, not his Facebook wall. People can create false personas and post things on their own wall; thus, making them look much more popular than they really are, not that I would know or anything… No, I am talking about the $10,000 dorm room wall. You know it is a bad sign when a kid puts nothing on his wall. He probably has no personality. The kid’s is as