Rachel Beal | Northwestern Flipside

Author Archives: Rachel Beal

Dear Students of SESP: Please Help, Give Us Your Money

April 14, 2013 Rachel Beal Leave a comment

Having learned of the School of Education and Social Policy’s new course on the history and ethical dilemmas associated with philanthropic donations, the Northwestern Flipside would like to submit the following petition for the fund on our own behalf: Dear students currently engaged in the course “Learning Philanthropy and Engaging in the Study and Practice of Giving”— We’re sorry. We’re sorry we ever made fun of SESP. It’s just that after our twelfth straight hour on the same Quantum Mechanics

Tour Group Perspectives: The Cool (Okay, Embarrassing) Dad

April 10, 2013 Rachel Beal Leave a comment

Dedicated to the world’s proudest Dad WOW. This is so cool. This is the coolest ever. My daughter is the best ever. I wonder if she’s having as much fun as I am? I wish I was standing up front with her so I could ask! (My wife made me stay in the back with her because during our tour of UCLA, I pushed three accepted engineering students out of the way so I could stand right behind the tour

Anti-Doping Administration Tests Third Graders at Oshkosh Spelling Bee, Kickball Tournament

March 13, 2013 Rachel Beal Leave a comment

OSHKOSH, WI — After running a full battery of tests on competitors at the World Ice Fishing Championship at the Big Eau Pleine Reservoir near Wausua, Wisconsin last week, World Anti-Doping Agency officials made a trip two hours southeast to the Oshkosh Elementary School Third Grade Spelling Bee to test contestants for a similar array of performance enhancing substances. “For a long time, we figured the only athletes who would use performance enhancing drugs would be like, you know, actual

My Angry Feminist Roommate Is Totally Psyched about Sandra Fluke

March 11, 2013 Rachel Beal Leave a comment

By My Angry Feminist Roommate OH. EM. GEE. You guys (actually, that phrase is SO non-gender-neutral and totally misogynistic). You students, both female and male, who happen to be reading this well-informed and non-biased feature, Sandra Fluke is here. At Northwestern. OMG. She’s here RIGHT. NOW. Like I’m literally in the second row of Fisk 217 and I can see her. It’s like I’m BATHING in women’s liberation. I’m more excited than a gay stoner enjoying Denver’s most charming all-you-can-eat

Pope Emeritus Relieved to Give up Teaching Sunday School, Focus on Research

March 4, 2013 Rachel Beal Leave a comment

VATICAN CITY — Thursday, February 28th marked a monumental day for the Roman Catholic Church, as Pope Benedict XVI switched his red loafers for burgundy and became the first Pope to cede the papacy since the Middle Ages. Prior to his official retirement, the College of Cardinals voted to award Benedict with honorary title of Pope Emeritus, to which Benedict responded, “It’s the least they could do, but I’ll take it. The whole time I was Pope, those tightwads in

[Nostalgia Issue] A Retrospective from Your Forgotten Tamagotchi

February 14, 2013 Rachel Beal Leave a comment

THE BOX IN THE BACK CORNER UNDER YOUR BED — Salutations, my dear human. It’s been years since last we met, yet it was you who gave me life, so long ago, on the electronics aisle of Toys-R-Us. It was you whose jelly-covered fingers freed me from the confines of my tamago (that’s the Japanese word for egg, if you ever wondered) with just the press of an irritatingly small button. Nearly three lustra have elapsed since last you fed

Flipside Field Report: Love and Loss in the Slivka Flood

January 28, 2013 Rachel Beal Leave a comment

EVANSTON — A devastating dormitory flood this past Monday left hundreds of residents in Slivka Residence Hall on North Campus without textbooks, graph paper, or TI-89 calculators. Reports indicate that the calamity may have been caused either by a malfunctioning radiator or the collective tears of three sophomore biomedical engineers studying for their Accelerated Organic Chemistry midterm. Beginning sometime between the hours of 4:00 and 7:00 AM in Suite 220 on the second floor, the storm surge penetrated suites 230,

[The Flipside Guide to the 2013 Oscars] Silver Linings Playbook & Life of Pi

January 25, 2013 Rachel Beal Leave a comment

With Oscar season in full swing, The Flipside is proud to present a summary of 2012’s most acclaimed films. Although we don’t have the budget to actually watch all the nominees, we are confident we can provide you with what you need to know to make it through the Academy Awards ceremony. Peruse our reviews of the other nominees: *Argo and Django Unchained *Zero Dark Thirty and Les Mis *Lincoln: Thoughts from a Northerner, a Southerner, and a Man Who

Students Peacefully Assemble on Deering Meadow on MLK Day, Actually Just Trying to Get in to Main Library

January 21, 2013 Rachel Beal Leave a comment

EVANSTON — Faculty members in the History, Political Science, and African American Studies Departments all applauded a group of two to three hundred students who braved arctic temperatures to assemble on Deering Meadow on Monday in what university officials presumed was a celebration of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, commemorating the numerous nonviolent protests, marches, and sit-ins of Dr. King and other activists whose collective efforts led to milestone achievements in civil rights. However, when interviewed by Flipside field reporters,

Back from Break, Thoughts that my Angry Feminist Roommate Didn’t (Did) Share

January 17, 2013 Rachel Beal Leave a comment

UGH. I just can’t believe we’re back already. It’s not even that I don’t want to do school work again, I mean I’m really excited to get to the nitty-gritty in “Gender Studies 205: Why it’s so Hard to be a Woman” and “History 307: A History of Every Repressed Culture in History.” It’s just that Northwestern is like SO, heteronormative.