Northwestern Senior Just Discovered Laundry Room
“Man, this is totally awesome! A new place to smoke pot!”
Author Archives: Oliver Meeks
New Soft-Core Porn Magazine Started Featuring Locked-Out Freshmen
“Can I please have the backup set of keys for room 437 and some pasties?”
Jonas Direction Splits Up again to Form Miley and Sons
But that still doesn’t change the fact that no one cares.
Singer You’ve Never Heard of Writes Open Letter to Singer You Don’t Care About
“I never meant to start a war…”
Science Invents Self-Assembling Robots; Going to Kill You
“Yeah, we’re really sorry about those Terminator movies.”
Fire Alarm in Hinman During Game Confirms Which Students Don’t Give a Shit about Football
“Are we winning?”
Substance-Free Hall Wins Beer Pong Tournament
“Ittall hashta do witsh thee whrist…”
NRA Begins Program to Hand Out Free Guns to People Who Look Like Good Guys
“I’m sorry sir, but you’ll need to shave that ‘stache before I can hand you one of these AKs.”
Northwestern Tour Guide Walks Backwards into Open Sewer Drain
“And here we have the Thomas Crapper Memorial…”
House Committee Forms to Decide Which Hand They Should Use to Jerk Off
“I’m thinking right… Can we put this to a vote? No? Okay, how about left? No? Well. I’m glad we’re all on the same page.”