Area Man Has Only Two Dimensions, Cannot Interact With Space and Time As Intended, Ceases To Exist Immediately
“Why would something like this happen to someone so normal?”
Author Archives: Nathaniel Unger
Breaking: President Schapiro Allows First- and Second-Year Students to Visit Campus Once “As a Treat”
“All first- and second-year students can come visit campus once this winter, if they want,” said Schapiro. “You know, as a treat.”
Report: Candy Corn “Okay”
“Both candy corn and its enjoyers have no taste, will show up uninvited at your Halloween parties and can, if so compelled, clog up your ear.”
Purell Fandom “Displeased” With Culture Going Mainstream
In recent months, the FDA has released several warnings about certain hand sanitizer companies producing faulty content. This downgrade in average quality of hand sanitizer has concerned epidemiologists and doctors alike, but most perturbed are longtime self-proclaimed members of the hand sanitizer fandom. “It’s just disappointing,” said Sandy Teiser, 33. “Even my son, who would never wash his hands when told—let alone use soap—now carries five bottles of half-rate hand sanitizer everywhere he goes. There’s no way to distinguish between
Archaeology Club Hits Rock Bottom
“We knew he’d dig himself into a hole sooner or later.”
Students Rejoice! Morty Announces Lakefill 2, Which Finally Connects Us Directly to Gary, Indiana
At long last, once the new Lakefill is constructed, students will be able to easily access Gary, Indiana for a long-overdue new college town experience.