Op Ed: It’s Time for Paid Fraternity Leave
“Paid fraternity leave will end discrimination based on Greek affiliation and make our society better because of it.”
Author Archives: Michael Miller
Area Student Triggered
“One of my sensory organs perceived a word, phrase, attitude, or institution that I must have interpreted as oppressive or otherwise offensive, and thus I became triggered,” Sheckard said.
NU Men’s and Women’s Sports Teams Paid Equally
Northwestern athletics has always been committed to treating all of our student-athletes equally, and I think our equal wage policy reflects that
ISIS Claims Responsibility for Student’s Panic Attack
Social media accounts linked to the terrorist group posted a statement that in part read: “let this attack be a message to all infidels and pre-meds: no GPA is safe from our jihad!”
Big Ten Announces New 8 a.m. Start Times for Northwestern Home Games
The Big Ten announced Monday in a press conference that all Northwestern home football games will now start at 8:00 a.m.
Student Can’t Get Off ISIS Listserv
“They had a cool flag and free candy, you know? I looked at their info and thought helping to establish a caliphate might look good on a resume, so I signed up for their listserv.”
Roommate Actually Does Care If You Hit the Lights
“Every night, he asks so innocently if he can hit the lights, and every night, I casually say it’s okay. But deep down, I actually do care.”
Student Lists 19 Likely Places He Lost his Keys
The freshman disclosed that his keys and wallet could also be at the Hooters in Peoria; or in Tashkent, Uzbekistan; or in the third stall from the left in the Norris ground floor bathroom.
Privileged Fuck has Summer Plans All Figured Out
Reports surfaced today indicating that privileged fuck Eric Beltran, WCAS ’16, has his summer plans figured out while you are no closer to an internship than you were before you started binge-watching “Friends.”
Charli XXX confirmed for Dildo Day
We were so inspired by the perennial success of Dillo Day that we have decided to put on our own festival to be called Dildo Day.