Bezosâs Soon-to-be Ex-Wife Gets Divorce Papers with Free 2-Day Prime Shipping
âThis is childish even for him,â said MacKenzie, âheâs turned into the Monopoly Man except with stupid aviators and weirdly muscular arms.â
Author Archives: M.A. Galloway
Wildside to offer fifths of vodka to help boost attendance at sporting events
Forget free t-shirts and food, the Northwestern Wildside is ready to get you shmacked. Desperate to increase student attendance at sporting events, the Wildside advertised free fifths of vodka to the first 100 students who showed up to the womenâs basketball game on Thursday. âWhat our student body lacks in school spirit, it makes up for in alcoholism,â said Wildside president Lindsey Carlson. Initially, the Wildside was worried that students would leave when they started handing out fifths of rum
Budget Crisis Means Only Holiday Music in Norris is Morty Singing âLittle Drummer Boyâ
With the budget crisis in full effect, Northwestern might not have anything to deck the halls with, but that hasnât stopped Northwestern President Morton Schapiro from attempting to spread the good cheer.
Schapiroâs âOfmortyâ Joke Falls Flat at Handmaidâs Tale Keynote
At most there were a few sharp inhales, but that was as close to laughter as Schapiro got.
Six Flags Posts Studentsâ Midterm Grades Around Park for Fright Fest
“What really put me over the edge was a scary clown handing me my CHEM 212 grade and saying, âOh no, I guess mommyâs little boy wonât be a doctor after all!ââ
Morty deems scooters âtoo strainingâ on football players, instead gives them piggy-back rides through campus
Athletic trainers and strength coaches workshopped several ideas before they arrived upon the piggy-backing.
Freshman Sends When2meet to Parents for Parents Weekend
“Iâm in college now and have so much more responsibility. Itâs just more efficient this way.”