Northwestern Fight Song to Become Enlightened Disagreement Song
he overall runtime has been extended to 47 minutes, owing in large part to the inclusion of a full-length video course on bystander intervention training.
Author Archives: Melinda Chang
Jesus Announces That No One Qualified for Rapture
In a revelation that has scandalized American evangelicals and other communities suffering from elevated rates of neurosis, Jesus Christ announced in a Xweet that the long-awaited Second Coming indeed took place midday Tuesday.
Op-Ed: I Can’t Laugh at a Joke Unless It’s Accompanied by an Article That Reiterates the Joke in Less Funny Terms for 200 Words
The title says it all.
Tostitos Announces New “Hint of Chips” Lime
“We’re always striving for better here,” explains a Tostitos representative. “Everyone’s been telling us for years that we struck gold with those chips, and we figured what people were looking for next was a lime experience really uninterrupted by the strong notes of chip that defined our previous products.”
Op-Ed: I Wish I Were a Woman So My Voice Could Be Less Influential
She can say absolutely anything and we will be none the wiser, because no one listens to women.
From the Archives: Clocking into My Shift at the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory on March 25, 1911! I Have a Loving Family and Am Hopeful for the Future
I have about ten minutes before my shift starts, and I want to take this moment to be grateful for all that I have now. My husband Hugh Mann has given me so many blessings, foremost among them my lovely home-birthed children. On occasion he even allows me to utter words in public and wear pants.
From the Archives: “Goo Goo Ga Ga,” Says Barack Obama, 1
We aren’t sure why, but we sat down with an infant by the name of Barack Hussein Obama II to talk all things economics, healthcare, and political reform.
Woman Kills Herself While Trying to Unfold Sports Bra Insert
Her housemate Emma Davis claimed that she was supposed to meet Caroline and their friends for dinner. “Caroline told me over text that she just had to finish folding one of her bras—forty minutes, tops, she said. But then forty minutes turned into an hour, and an hour turned into three,” Davis said through tears.