Tears were shed as the hero of the day approached the microphone for a speech. Patricia Telles-Irvin was spotted comforting Pat Fitzgerald, softly purring, “There, there. Who needs the Big Ten? You got Maine and that was good!”
This is not the first time Anderson has attempted to protect the singer’s health. Mark Anderson follows all of Bieber’s tours around the world, continuously monitoring Bieber’s hydration levels.
Student Affairs has been maintaining surveillance on every married Northwestern student since PTI’s hiring in 2011. This is the first affair uncovered in the history of the division.
Library Director Penny Biblia recently announced that the library will no longer be loaning out certain items. The Flipside investigated the items to which students will no longer have complimentary access, and the reasons for the discontinuation of these materials.
The sole heir to the John Deere Corporation, Deering spent most of his childhood and adolescence squandering the family fortune on tobacco and donations to the Confederate Army.
On behalf of Tappa Tappa Keg, I would like to apologize in advance for the offensive costume a TTK member will inevitably wear this Halloween. It will be tasteless and crude, and the entire TTK fraternity asks for your forgiveness.
“It’s been a really exciting season so far,” proclaimed Goodell. “There’s that one guy who’s in a little trouble with the law. Then there’s the one whom everyone loved, but he’s not doing very well this year. Oh, and that other guy is having a great season!”
McKinley explained that referees have always held a grudge against your team but no one quite remembers why. For that reason, they feel obligated to overlook “holding” calls, declare touchdowns invalid, and penalize your team for false starts at every opportunity.
Students were somewhat confused when Holmes revealed the title of the following week’s experiment, ‘Cooking with Lithium.” Confusion grew when the pre-lab assignment proved to be nothing but a shopping list of various cleaning chemicals.