Professor Gives Pop Quiz During Midterm
Since Monday evening, 30% of Wilson’s Gen Chem students have dropped chem, declaring majors in the humanities.
Author Archives: Emily Baker
Local RA Only Member of Floor GroupMe
“I thought Cassidy was really cool at first, but then she cornered me in the lounge, yelling about how I missed some Saturday night info session about using the CTA.”
Abroad Student Decides Uganda Isn’t So Bad
Sources report that this revelation occurred when he saw Donald Trump insult veterans, Muslims, Republicans, and fucking babies in just the past week.
Hillary Clinton Sends Out Thousands of “Follow 4 Follow?” Tweets
“Kids these days are all on their phones doing the texting and tweeting I believe they call it,” Clinton told Flipside reporters.
Searle Doctor Consults WebMD for Second, First Opinion
“As I was telling the doctor my symptoms, she was quickly typing them into her iPhone, and when I finished, she immediately told me I had cancer.”
Op-Ed: Who is Daniel and Why is He Damned?
“I’m not entirely sure, but “white Vans” sounds like a drug reference, and I’m worried that this Daniel is addicted to meth or heroin, which really would be damning.”
Some Students to Dance in Tent
Sources say executive members hope to top their earnings from last year so they can help more starving children or people with cancer or something like that.
Cru: We Found Jesus and He’s Racially Ambiguous
“Jesus cannot be defined by labels,” said Cara Manns, treasurer of Cru. “Everyone wants to fit him into this tiny box of white or black or whatever, but you just can’t. He is racially ambiguous.”
SPAC Construction Perfect Excuse Not to Go to Gym
Despite the fact that no other part of the gym is under construction, many students reportedly feel that they just cannot get a decent workout in these conditions.
Engineer Goes to South Campus to Find Himself
Local Biomedical Engineering Major, Anthony Martin, MEAS ’19, recently visited South campus for the first time in order to find himself.