The Origin of Northwestern University’s Motto
John Evans, then governor of Colorado, knew the land well and recognized that it was ripe for growing avocados and, thus, making the great avocado by-product of guacamole.
Author Archives: Dan Weinberg
Student Refuses to Pay Student Activity Fee, Doesn’t Recognize ASG as Existing
Area Man Speaks Only in Upworthy Headlines, and You Won’t Believe What He Said!
Pre-Law Student Sneaks into Suits Event with Backpack Full of Weed “Hoping for the Best”
[Tabloid Issue] Rosie O’Donnell Gets into Fight with Freshman at The Deuce
“I just could not comprehend how this idiot couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that there is absolutely no correlation between authoritarian rule and speed of economic development,” O’Donnell later told police.
Government Shuts Down, Requires Human Sacrifice
“At… At first I thought that we could just throw some illegals its way and everything would be fine, but then I realized that it only wanted Americans,” stammered House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA).
All Packages Now Get Delivered to Plex for Completely Rational Reasons
“We saw this as a no-brainer,” said Goldenberg. “There’s a big divide between North and South campus, and we thought that having everyone… get their packages at the same place would create some good old-fashioned campus unity.”
“That’s Cute,” Says Coloradan on Illinois Legalizing Medical Marijuana
ASG Thrilled that #ASG is Finally Trending on Twitter
EVANSTON — Due to Tuesday’s MLB All-Star Game, #ASG was a trending tag on Twitter. The Northwestern Associated Student Government said it was the greatest moment – literally the greatest moment, free of any controversy or procedural bickering – in the history of the organization. “We were ecstatic,” said Matthew Silver, ASG’s Vice President of Coincidental Social Media Publicity. “This is the kind of moment that my office, and all of Northwestern, has been waiting for.” The fact that the
[Roaring ’20s Issue] Kresge Hall Unveiled, Hailed as Architectural Marvel
EVANSTON — No, that new monstrosity next to University Hall isn’t a tenement! It’s just Northwestern’s newest building: Kresge Hall. The magnificent structure opened its doors just yesterday, and boy is it a sight to see! Kresge Hall can seat a staggering 1300 students in more than 30 classrooms, but the crowning jewel of this freshly minted structural feat is the architecture. The decision to house the classics department there is manifested in the clear Greco-Roman influence in the building’s