Author Archives: Diego Guerrero

My Cat’s Thoughts On New Trump Tariffs: “mrr mrrrr meeoorrr miauuuu miau mrr” 

The good and honest American people are no stranger to so-called “experts” talking down to them on TV about how to spend their money and why their grocery bills aren’t going down. “Oh, it’s because you’re spending too much on DraftKings, no it’s because America is getting screwed over by its trade partners”. Well, America, here are some thoughts on Trump’s new tariffs from the only economic expert you need, my cat Billibob (AKA: Billi, Hobo Kitty): “mrr mrrrr meeoorrr

I Thought My “Severing” Procedure Would Help With My Work/Life Balance, Instead They Just Cut My Balls Off!

Now I admit, I was a little off-put when I saw the large number of cats and dogs in the waiting room, but I figured he was just an animal lover, not that he was about to divorce my thing-1-and-thing-2 from the rest of my body with the same clinical precision of a Civil War amputation doctor.

Somebody Put Ben Down He’s Drunk On Star Power

Everybody’s seen somebody go on a power trip before. Police officers when they pull over people, that kid that was supposed to watch over the class while the teacher went out to go use the bathroom, Joseph Stalin, just to name a few. But never before has a power trip been as dangerous as this one, never before has one rush of authority to somebody’s head been as dangerous as this. For God’s sake, somebody put Ben down, he’s drunk

Op-Ed: Scuba Diving is WAY More Exciting than Becoming a Father

his little, wet, salamander-colored life-form, by his own existence, took from me my passion. My wife made me get rid of the scuba gear, you see; she didn’t want me to “get some awful fucking decompression sickness and have [my] guts pop out through [my] eye sockets” and leave her with our son, William, all alone. William, more like, Will-I-Ever-Be-Free-Again?

Call Me Crazy, But that UFO Came Down in the Field by my House in 2012 and When the Little Aliens Came Out They Told Me to Shoot John Lennon’s Abused Son Julian Lennon

Look, man, I admit maybe I shouldn’t have drunk that whole bowl of ayahuasca brew that uncontacted tribe in Paraguay sent me, but I swear to you I’m not messing around here. Call me crazy if you want, but that UFO came down in the field by my house in 2012 and when the little aliens came out they told me to shoot John Lennon’s abused son, Julian Lennon.

I Came From The Streets: A Study Of Asphalt Fetishes

All across the world, it’s not that unusual for some people to have strange fetishes. Feet, hybristophilia, lactophilia, even coprophilia. Of course, whatever gets your socks off and gets you turned on really isn’t anybody else’s business. However, recently a phenomenon has been sweeping cities across America: asphalt fetishes. “I Came From The Streets” — a breakdown of tarphelia. Signs of the modern fetish first began appearing in America in the 1930s when many roads began to be paved as

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