Then, I started to remember another incident. The incident. You see, when I was 9 walked into the living room and saw my parents watching Fifty Shades of Grey on the TV. It was the ice cube scene. Right before what I now know is called some āhot fucking shitā.
Everybodyās seen somebody go on a power trip before. Police officers when they pull over people, that kid that was supposed to watch over the class while the teacher went out to go use the bathroom, Joseph Stalin, just to name a few. But never before has a power trip been as dangerous as this one, never before has one rush of authority to somebodyās head been as dangerous as this. For Godās sake, somebody put Ben down, heās drunk
his little, wet, salamander-colored life-form, by his own existence, took from me my passion. My wife made me get rid of the scuba gear, you see; she didnāt want me to āget some awful fucking decompression sickness and have [my] guts pop out through [my] eye socketsā and leave her with our son, William, all alone. William, more like, Will-I-Ever-Be-Free-Again?
Itās so great, I actually can’t imagine what my life would be like without my beloved crack, I really canāt!
Look, man, I admit maybe I shouldnāt have drunk that whole bowl of ayahuasca brew that uncontacted tribe in Paraguay sent me, but I swear to you Iām not messing around here. Call me crazy if you want, but that UFO came down in the field by my house in 2012 and when the little aliens came out they told me to shoot John Lennonās abused son, Julian Lennon.
It continued until the outbreak ended and I returned to my dorm to realize that I, Diego Guerrero, have become the last surviving Elderite.
All across the world, itās not that unusual for some people to have strange fetishes. Feet, hybristophilia, lactophilia, even coprophilia. Of course, whatever gets your socks off and gets you turned on really isnāt anybody elseās business. However, recently a phenomenon has been sweeping cities across America: asphalt fetishes. āI Came From The Streetsā — a breakdown of tarphelia. Signs of the modern fetish first began appearing in America in the 1930s when many roads began to be paved as
Call it what you want, but thereās nothing like being blown to smithereens to calm me down after a stressful week.
Iām going to get that son of a bitch.
āIād only read about it in that book about my changing body my parents gave me when I was 13,ā he told Flipside. Although he admits to doing some āonline studyingā about the subject before he came to Northwestern, he insists that was just so he could be better prepared in case the school put on a production ofĀ Cabaret.Ā