Caroline Picard | Northwestern Flipside

Author Archives: Caroline Picard

Obituary: Lilly Pulitzer’s Death Leaves Void Unfillable Except by Flowers and Pink Pants

April 20, 2013 Caroline Picard Leave a comment

Sorority girls, grandmothers, and Kennedys everywhere are mourning the loss of iconic fashion designer Lilly Pulitzer, who died last week at age 81. The “Queen of Prep” had such a widespread cultural impact that it can be difficult to imagine a world without her. How else could housewives somewhat justifiably spend $118 on scarves? What would eighth grade girls in Connecticut wear to their middle school graduations? And where would the modern world be without the creation of prints such

Editorial from a Prospie: “You Guys, I Totally Drink”

April 11, 2013 Caroline Picard One comment

Hey guys! Sorry, I’m little hungover from the two handles of beer I had last night. I mean, that doesn’t even compare to the time my mom bought me vodka. I had three shots! Shit got so crazy, I can’t even tell you. (Except I’m going to tell you.) So me and my bros were just chilling when my ‘rents were out to dinner, and we were getting kind of bored so I was like, “Yo, bros, let’s get schwasty.”

Tour Group Perspectives: The Annoyed Sibling

April 10, 2013 Caroline Picard Leave a comment

Ugh. I could totally get in here. This is dumb. I don’t even know why you would want to come to school here. Like Willie the Wildcat? Seriously? Dumb. This place is probably full of UChicago rejects. My (insert standardized state tests here) scores were in the 99th percentile. I got a letter from the Governor, the actual Governor of (insert state with said standardized test here). Northwestern would be my super safety. I’m the smart one. Mom told me.

Daylight Saving Time Fucks Up Dance Marathon

March 10, 2013 Caroline Picard Leave a comment

EVANSTON — A riot erupted during Block Ten of Northwestern’s 39th annual Dance Marathon after the sleep-deprived emcees announced that the final block would be extended by an hour due to Daylight Saving Time. Daylight Saving Time, when clocks move forward an hour on the second Sunday of March, caused Dancer Relations to miscount the amount of time remaining in the thirty-hour charity event. “At first I thought I was just disillusioned from the lack of sleep,” said first time

New Radar Speed Sign on Sheridan Decreases Average Daily Accidents to Only 32

March 7, 2013 Caroline Picard Leave a comment

10 Things We Learned From the Oscars

February 25, 2013 Caroline Picard Leave a comment

Too busy studying for DTC to understand why RTVF majors have their panties in a bunch (“Depaul and Colombia? Seriously?”) or why Hugh Jackman would even attempt to follow up Catherine Zeta-Jones and Jennifer Hudson? No worries, here’s the Oscars run-down: Even if you are nominated for an Academy Award, even your characters are named something ridiculous like Amelia Mignonette Thermopolis Renaldi or after a shampoo brand (what up, Pantene), do not decide what to wear three hours before the

Big/Little Week Coincides with Body Acceptance Week

February 19, 2013 Caroline Picard Leave a comment

EVANSTON — It appears that in their perhaps overenthusiastic preparation for Big/Little Week, campus sororities have inadvertently undone preparations for Body Acceptance Week, sponsored by Northwestern Counseling and Psychological Services. “Changing the language from mom/daughter to big/little is great for the new members, but for a lot of sororities it may have actually caused more harm than good,” said CAPS spokeswoman Deborah McCormick. This year’s “bigs” reportedly want to feel less big. According to a study conducted by extremely bored

The State of Gone Greek Night

February 18, 2013 Caroline Picard Leave a comment

Following Barack Obama’s State of the Union address last week, various Northwestern student groups have issued reports about the state of their own organizations. The Flipside is pleased to present the transcripts of these speeches. Good morning, my fellow Greek students of Northwestern University. Thank you for waking up from your drunken stupor and forgetting about how much your feet hurt from five inch platform heels. After much careful analysis and plenty of water drinking, I have concluded that the

After a Cyberattack on the New York Times, China Targets The Flipside

February 4, 2013 Caroline Picard Leave a comment

BEIJING — After using advanced infiltration techniques to target The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal in a “cyberattack,” the Chinese government is refocusing its aggressive Internet policy on The Northwestern Flipside. China views the insightful coverage the publication gives to Northwestern University campus life as invaluable information on the unpatriotic activities of international students. Fortunately, the Chinese plan was thwarted by the professional security provided by WordPress and no information was leaked. Other on-campus publications were also

The Super Bowl Time Travels to the Nineties

February 3, 2013 Caroline Picard Leave a comment

NEW ORLEANS, LA — Between the San Francisco 49ers using Tupac’s “California Love” as their run-in music and the fact that the 49ers were actually played, Super Bowl XLVII proved it could effectively time travel to 1999. At the request of Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis, NFL officials decided to bend the laws of physics to go back in time before “the incident.” Lewis was looking for a repeat of Super Bowl XXXV, which included a MVP-winning performance and performances