He told Flipside reporters (accidentally, via secret microphone hidden inside his phoneâs PopSocket) about the reasoning behind his decision: âI think theyâll take my emails more seriously if they see Iâm one of them⊠Maybe we should start thinking about sending them Kik messages too, apparently no one uses AOL anymore lolz!!â
âI never thought I would ever have the urge to call Morty a dame,â said Michael âBut there I was, holding my eyeballs in their sockets so they wouldnât pop out like a Looney Tunes horndog.â
Jimmy John told reporters. âNow they have something else out of the toilet to work forâbeing decent enough at a sport to earn Charminâs soft, gentle kiss.â
âPlus, this really isnât so differentâMr. Shapiro nibbles on sticks with the best of âem.â
In the aftermath of the theft, the one swab, dubbed âOle Faithfulâ, could be found lying underneath the ransacked shelves of its fallen brethren.
As I stood in front of the Jacobs Center, waiting to cross the street with post-Abbot nasal drip, I certainly wasnât expecting my life to change.
âCarrying a small, sad, modern equivalent of Gabrielâs horn gives me to motivation to walk until my toe cartilage is worn away.”
âThey would simply shove you whatever cold porridge they have, and you would be expected to not only eat it, but share it with a bunch of lazy freeloaders and pay taxes on it!â
“Over the last thirty years, itâs gotten to the point where I canât take it anymore.”
After using your scholarly advice of presenting her with my own kerchief, I roused up the manly courage to tell her that I found her to be one of the most vexing maidens I hath laid mine eyes upon.