Yeah, I Watch golf–Guys Ordering Left Feet (on the black market)
If you or a loved one have a foot fetish, please seek help at 1-800-BITCH-DIE-BITCH.
Author Archives: Cassandra Brook
Guys, what planet is urethra pain? My astronomy teacher wasn’t very good.
Hey, guys. so I need your help. Somebody told me today that there’s something happening on Urethra Pain, but I don’t know what that planet is. My astronomy teacher wasn’t very good; in fact, he told me that planets are just oversized paper airplanes that the government launches into the sky when they wants to distract us from the liberal takeover. It took me five years to find out that was wrong. So, I want to be proactive and just
Northwestern says it may not necessarily bow down to Trump’s demands but it may dabble in a little curtsy
This week, while Harvard put out a statement saying that it would not acquiesce to Trump’s demands, Northwestern took a more Victorian approach.
Northwestern to Donate Her Eggs to Make Up Her Missing Funds
Northwestern discovered that she can make, on average, $10,000 per donation cycle for her eggs. That means she would only need to sell her eggs 79,000 times, which is basically nothing.
Ask Flippy: if my professor shits himself during class, should I address it or shit harder in solidarity?
I noticed that my professor’s–excuse my French–derriere had grown exponentially in size. His butt, like an atomic bomb, absolutely mushroomed and I was wondering why.
A Day in the Life Having the Memory of a Goldfish: My reeeeeef
Marty was an average fish; he worked at a travel agency and dealt plankton on the side to make ends meet. He had a wife and 1000 kids; they all played Go Fish together on Sunday evenings. His home was adorned with fancy eggs and it had these beautiful seaweed curtains on the windows. He had everything that a suburban fish could wish for — white-picket fence and all. And, much like Job, he lost everything. On that fateful day, he was attending the reef’s fishtivities, celebrating a year of being kelp-neutral.
Gulf of America this, Gulf of Mexico that, what about the Massive Gulf that Exists Between us ever since I Showed you my Hyper-Realistic Doll Collection?
I really thought I could be loved for who I was, but I was a fool because if you can’t handle my hyper-realistic doll collection, you’re not ready for the real me. Because the real me needs you to be okay with the five hours I need everyday to perform a seance with my porcelain dolls made with real human hair.
Trump to Take Over Greek Life and Rename It American Life
In a shocking new political move in reaction to the rush craze sweeping college campusesnationwide, Trump recently announced he would be renaming Greek life “American life.” In anexclusive interview with Trump, our Flipside reporter, dives deep into this new development. Flipside: So in our current political climate, with increased climate catastrophes and heightenedgeopolitical conflicts, what led you to focus on recoining Greek life “American life?” Trump: Well, we have to remember to be loyal to America and not the illegal
Ask Flippy: Why did AJ and Big Justice Give Five Big Booms to that Car?
Backstabber. Et tu, AJ and Big Justice?
Op-Ed: I think we should bring back the guillotine
Wood frame, metal blade, disgruntled French hangman. Back in the days of the French Revolution, these were the three things you needed to kill someone, all compiled into one machine: the guillotine. But the extinction of the guillotine isn’t just about the advancement of weaponry; it is clearly indicative of a more serious problem in society: people these days don’t support blue-collar jobs, and so we need to bring back the guillotine. In the time of the guillotine, killing someone