SPOILER ALERT: Titanic in 3D Still Sinks
Author Archives: Brian Lee
Iran Wins Best Foreign Film, Abandons Nuclear Program
TEHRAN – Minutes after the Academy Award for Best Foreign Language Film was awarded to A Separation, the Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced that the country will abandon its controversial nuclear program. The president spoke from a makeshift stage set up in the middle of the city’s famous Azadi Square accompanied by a local dance troupe performing an elaborate interpretive dance sequence representing the award statuette. “This is the joyous day when the great state of Iran, with its glorious
Area Girlfriend Asks Which Teams Will Play Football Next Week
BREAKING: Mayor Tisdahl Received Campaign Donation from Ghost of Francis Willard
Flipside Exclusive! EVANSTON – Reports indicate that Mayor Tisdahl has received a large sum of campaign donations from the ghost of renowned prohibitionist Francis Willard over the past few years. Leaked internal documents shows that Willard, lobbying on behalf of the Women’s Christian Temperance Union, has provided thousands of dollars for Tisdahl’s campaign. Tisdahl has denied that her rigid stance against drinking, brothels and happiness was influenced by the donations. “I have always fought hard for the peace and safety
Lake Michigan Milk Spill Dubbed ‘Most Unexpected Disaster in History’ by President Obama
MILWAUKEE – In response to the milk spill that covered the western rim of Lake Michigan with a layer of milk fat, President Obama visited the shores of Milwaukee to encourage the thousands of volunteers helping in the cleanup effort. The spilled milk has since spread over a large area, reaching as far as Western Michigan and the north shores of Chicago. Images of flocks of geese covered in milk fat have gathered attention from the press and garnered criticism
[Classifieds] Northwestern University Psychology Department
— HELP WANTED — Ladies needed for educational demonstration of toy drills. Required to work naked in a public setting. Compensation will include appropriate payment and a souvenir toy. Contact: bailey@northwestern.edu and Human sexuality psychologist needed for Psychology department. Required to conduct research in Evanston, IL and teach Psychology 337. Responsible applicants only.
FCC Fines Animal Planet for Full Feline Nudity in Puppy Bowl’s Kitty Halftime Show
Midwest Celebrates Beginning of Black History Month with a Whiteout
Americans Confused at Not Being Subject of Middle Eastern Protests
Honestly, Obama Thinks the State of the Union is Okay at Best