Got your fake ID stolen? Can’t get your upperclassmen friends to score a handle of Skol for you? Not a fan of the mouthwash taste? You won’t have to deal with these bummers if you make your own fun juice! Making your own booze in your tiny room at Plex can sound like a daunting challenge but it’s also very rewarding. Just follow these simple suggestions and you’ll be on your way to tipsyville by the end of the school
EVANSTON — As the Big Ten Conference welcomed University of Maryland as its thirteenth member, members of Norris staff were heard complaining about the consequential decoration updates to the Big Ten Room. The meeting space, located on the first floor of Norris Student Center, features stunning views of Lake Michigan and walls decorated with picture frames of memorabilia from Big Ten member schools. Most recently, a framed poster of University of Nebraska was added when the school joined the conference
SALT LAKE CITY, UT — Officials from Utah admitted yesterday that they entirely skipped counting the ballots from last week’s general election. Instead of tallying the votes, the Office of Lieutenant Governor, which handles elections in the Beehive State, admitted to just making up numbers that add up to rough estimates of voter turnout. Major news outlets first noticed discrepancies when election projections were made seconds after polls closing with no precincts actually reporting. These discrepancies went largely unnoticed when
INNER CONSCIOUS, SOMEWHERE NEXT TO THE STOMACH — When Austrian Professional Skydiver Felix Baumgartner jumped off the helium balloon in an attempt to break several world records, the entire world watched carefully in a state of mixed emotions. For many, it was an experience that lead to the discovery of their own sick, terrifying minds. When Brad, a thoroughly average human being, first came across the link on Facebook he first thought, “Oh well, just another Red Bull publicity scheme,
“When I first signed up for British Literary Traditions back in freshmen year, I had to get copies of six novels, all published by Penguin,” recalled Lapinski. “When the quarter ended, I realized that these books are timeless classics and totally worth the space under my bed.”
Kim was forced to consume copious amounts of alcohol, run around the National Mall half naked while blindfolded, drink a gallon of milk mixed with water from the Potomac River, deny emergency loan requests from Angola, and be quizzed on facts of the founding of the institution.
EVANSTON – Northwestern University Facilities Management announced today that the scheduled burn at the lakefill lagoon successfully burned off 14 species of invasive plants and approximately 700 Northwestern Athletics t-shirts that in hindsight should have never been made. “These controlled burnings help the ecology of the green spaces on campus,” said Ron Nayler, Associate Vice President for Facilities Management. “They also give us an opportunity to get rid of some of these ridiculous t-shirts. Like this one right here,” said