Author Archives: Adam Pecena

Does No One Bloody Care That Sir Alex Resigned?!

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By Alexander Timothy Rawlings III, the British exchange student living on the seventh floor of Plex I can’t believe this. I bloody can’t. A bloke who’s been the head coach of one of the most famous football (yes, real football, not that sodding joke of a sport that’s ripping off rugby) clubs in the world for TWENTY-SIX YEARS resigns and NOBODY in this country bloody notices? I mean, I’m pretty tolerant, so I understand that you yanks pay more attention

Read more No. 111, Opinion, Sports

Czech Republic Sends $2 Billion in Maps as Foreign Aid to Geographically Oblivious U.S.

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PRAGUE, CZECH REP. — Czech Prime Minister Petr Nečas announced at a special press conference today that his government has decided to provide $2 billion worth of maps for the tragically geographically challenged U.S. schoolchildren. “We see it as a moral duty to extend a helping hand to countries whose education about the rest of the world has frozen in a woeful state. The least we can do is provide the necessary tools for the poor American kids to at

Read more No. 109, World

Sororities Add “Pledge Stepdad” to Pledge Families

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EVANSTON — The umbrella organizations responsible for Greek life at Northwestern, IFC, MGC, NPHC, and PHA, announced in a joint statement this morning that they will be adding one more role to the nuclear pledge family unit. “In addition to the traditional roles of pledge parents, children, and siblings, the new role of the pledge stepdad will be integrated in to the already rich structure of our Greek life organizations,” said Anita Jackson, spokeswoman for the Panhellenic Association. According to

Read more Local, No. 104

Some New Building to Be Built on Campus, Costs Gazillions

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EVANSTON — Northwestern University administration announced today that construction on some long-awaited expensive building of questionable utility is to finally start next month. Spokesman of the Department of New Structures, Allyson Spencer, told The Flipside, “This is a great moment for all 25 people that will actually be using this building, and for the 100+ members of the future cleaning and maintenance staff. Thanks to donations from a random wealthy alumnus, we have the opportunity to provide state-of-the-art facilities for

Read more Local, No. 102
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