Quarantined 5th Grader Accidentally Calls Mom âTeacherâ
âItâs so embarrassing how I mistakenly thought the woman who birthed me, nursed me, and raised me was my professional educator.â
Author Archives: Ari Mostow
BrewBike Declared Nonessential Business During Pandemic, But Also Just in General
âWe are requiring BrewBike to close its stores in Evanston immediately because it is not essential now nor has it ever been essentialâ
Lonely Bell Pepper From Sargent Burger Tray Spotted in CAPS Waiting Room
In the waiting room, the bell pepper slice told reporters that it felt âout of place at this schoolâ and didnât feel a strong sense of belonging in the community.
ASG Builds New Ramp or Something
It remains unclear whether ASGâs new measure promotes accessibility, inclusion, or both accessibility and inclusionâbut either way, it marks a huge step toward wellness and sustainability and equity.
Fatal Accident After Professor Assigns âHeadshotâ to ROTC Instead of RTVF Student
“I also told him to âshoot quicklyâ because the camera was low on battery, but I guess he misinterpreted that part, too.â
Entrepreneurial Genius Logs into Handshake During Middle of Lecture
Smuthers initially agreed to comment on the story, but cancelled her interview with reporters upon hearing that The Flipside is not a marketing company.
Op-ed: Stop Looking at the Climate While itâs Changing, You Perverts!
Hereâs the bottom line: if the climate is changing, you look away! Stop measuring the weather and making your graphs, and shut your eyes, for Christâs sake!
âMeetMeAtNorrisâ Hashtag Most Commonly Used Before Drug Transactions
Students interviewed overwhelmingly agreed that that using the hash tag âMeetMeAtNorrisâ allows them to maximize their illegal activity during ten minute passing periods.
Armadillo Day Ranked Second Best Vermin-Themed Music Festival After Roachella
The ranking, which will be displayed right below the â5th Best Diningâ award on Northwesternâs Wall of Mediocre Achievements, came as a great surprise to the campus community.
Report: Each of the 40 Librarians in Main Library Thinks They’re the Head Librarian
âI wish I could just go up to someone and ask, âWho is the head librarian?â But Iâm not allowed to talk or ask any questions, because itâs a library and I have to be absolutely silent.â