Melania Concerned with How to Represent a Country She Isn’t From
“When I married Donald, I thought I would be able to live the pampered life of an Eastern-European trophy wife.”
Author Archives: Alex Moisa
Republican RA to CounterĀ WalkoutĀ with Muslim Lockout
āThis new policy will both keep Hinman safe from all forms of Terrorism and make those liberals regret every protesting.”
Econ Major Relies on āInvisible Handā to Choose Apartment
“Given the counterintuitive nature of economic forcesāand how they seem to be a reasonable substitute for proactive decision making at the Cato InstituteāIām bound to get a good place.ā
New ASG Senator Thinks He Can Make a Difference
“Iāve heard all about last year when they passed important resolutions on Sodexo and had a contested election; if that kind of stuff can happen, then surely ASG is a force to be reckoned with.ā
Area Student Has Shitty Face, Personality
āI love my son and all,ā said mother Isabel Byrne, ābut sometimes he can be such an asshole; and when he gives me that dumb looking smirk, I sometimes feel like hitting him with my car.ā
Area Freshman Confident Dream Girl in Next Quarter’s Classes
“Heās trying to pretend heās Romeo when he comes off as a coked-up Charlie Sheen every time he talks to a girl.ā
Naked Homeless Man Mistaken for Public Commentary
āThe guy was just laying down on the hot sidewalk, listless and devoid of any mental thought, but, his performance art really makes me think how fucked up our nation really is.ā
Area Freshman “Goes with the Flow,” Found Dead in Trash Can Next Day
“Man, Iāve never seen a man inject heroin and LSD so fast into his ass before.ā
College Republicans Change Affiliation to College Independents
āWe feel that being the College Republicans only worked to exclude other groups who hated Trump as much as we did,ā said exec member and leading advocate for the name change Joe Przybyszewski (WCAS ā17).
Civil War Textbook Does Not Mention Captain America
The NU Historical Society is protesting over the fact that those who watch the new movie are instead watching āgross historical inaccuracies.”